Rose's Cantina

In a recent advertisement, Prime Minister Harper can be seen sitting in his office, with a voice-over suggesting that he doesn't make political decisions based on ideology. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Just for old times sake. Pick number one on the playlist, or enjoy all these great videos.

View image | gettyimages.com Former Conservative pop tart Eve Adams is working closely with her arm candy, Dimitri Soudas, on a plan that will prove to Oakville Liberals that she is indeed "Oakworthy". We have learned here, exclusively, that the love birds, who are now being called DimEve by affectionate Liberals, are in talks to put a strip shopping mall on the very site of Dalton McGuinty's failed gas plants as an olive branch to the well-heeled folk whose mansions buffer the stink fest that is Lake Ontario. The mall will be aptly called All About Eve and will include many exclusive boutiques where Oakvillians can get their hair and makeup done at ridiculous prices and have their cars lovingly washed and detailed using Argon oil and sea sponges while they wait. It's not just for the ladies; there is also a Hair Club for Men! Eve's campaign headquarters will be run in a prominent piece of real estate in the centre of the mall, proving once again...

  Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net (m_bartosch) It's hard to believe, but I've started taping both Power Play on CTV and Power and Politics on CBC. Like many Canadians, I simply cannot get enough of The Three Amigos. It's a car wreck. Who can look away? What will that little nugget Mike Duffy reveal today? That Stephen Harper has an evil twin who was present at all the meetings while the Real Stephen Harper was busy schtupping his executive assistant in the Oval Bathroom? What documents can be found buried in the bouffant de Pamela Wallin? Will Brazeau leave the upper chamber for a career as a Calvin Klein underwear model? Yesterday's performance in the House of Commons was a pure wild west showdown between Crime Minister Hairpiece and The Professor while Mary Anne looked on in the background. How old is that MP behind Hairpiece anyway? Should she be carded before she is allowed in the H of C? Aside from the cancelled cheques and emails, where th...

During this luscious August week, it's hard to believe we have to be bothered by the Pamela Wallin travel expense scandal, but bothered we are. If I were Pam Wallin, I would never travel again. Put yourself in her $800 pumps for a moment. Imagine standing in line waiting for a flight and having everyone stare at you, or jeer at you, for taking a flight headed to T.O. from Ottawa. Or waiting in the Timmy's line for your double double with eyes boring into the back of your Donna Karan smock. I can hear the wise cracks now. "She'll be having the chocolate donut," someone might say. "You know, the one that's double dipped." Harharhar. Some of my Facebook friends are actually saying that Pamela Pitstop is being unfairly treated because she's a woman in a bouffant hairstyle. I'm not so sure. Like Lucy being caught by Ricky, she's got a lot of 'splainin' to do. The University of Guelph loved her as a Chancellor because she d...

Candice Bergen seen here with Cabinet colleagues I'm trying to give up politics for the summer but the politicos just won't leave me alone. I live in the riding of Ottawa South, the homestead of Premier Dad and Premier Dad's Dad. Now, because Daddeo fled the coop in fear of reprisal from angry Ontarians, I must confront a byelection. I struggle with Ontario politics every time there is an election and this byelection will be no different. I've been a life long Liberal, brainwashed at the tender age of 23, made to wear orangey-red t-shirts and get hit upon by paunchy old lawyers. I was a true believer back in my youth, but became cynical in my thirties and disappointed in my forties. Now in my fifties, I could give a shit. But vote I must. Still, voting against the Liberals when you've been one for so long is akin to murdering your parents. So I'm going to give Kathleen Wynne a chance because I will never, ever vote Conservative and cannot b...

Stephen Harper would do well to tell Senator Marjory LeBreton to zip it. Instead of giving Canadians some useful information yesterday, she took the time to lambast other parties and what she called "media lickspittles" for asking legitimate questions about the Senate expenses fiasco. This is vintage Marjory, herself a quintessential "lickspittle" or toadie mouthpiece. LeBreton is well known as a hyper-partisan having polished the toenails of Tory leaders since before Brian Mulroney was pocketing Shrieber money. Essentially, the good Senator has been on the public dole since 1984 -- that's thirty years -- and she's got another few to go, suckling at the public tit either as a patronage princess dispensing goodies to Conservatives across the land or as a publically-paid apologist for Tories everywhere. Yesterday, she was showing her partisan thong accusing people who are paid to question the government of being biased towards the opposition. I can tell...

Shortly after Prime Minister Harpo finished his back-patting speech about what a great job the Tories did at improving accountability in Ottawa, I saw a post on Twitter from canada.com which described Stephen Harper's talk as "angry". No, I corrected them. He wasn't angry; he was defiant. Harper is a political firebrand, the kind of leader who rises to the top because of his own brand of psychopathy. As Hannibal Lecter describes his own condition, "you have a perspective, I have a view". To a psychopath, the truth is irrelevant as are the implications of their actions on other people. All that counts to a psychopath is himself, and in Harper's case "the brand". Harper didn't defend Duffalump and the other woozels because he cared about them. He only cared that they had been loyal foot soldiers. Duffy and Wallin did the fundraising. Wright did his dirty work. And now, he sits atop a heap of political rubble still not understa...

Dear Justin Trudeau: We know that you are a little light in the loafers when it comes to policy, and given I am one of the editors of the original Red Book (true story!), I have a policy idea for you. It will save Canadians money once a year, and it will make everyone's life a lot simpler. This weekend, many Canadians will be gathering up their tax files and installing Turbo Tax, then e-filing their taxes. Wait. Let's rewind. This time of year, everyone will be scrambling to get themselves to a big box store and get the cheapest version there is of Turbo Tax (80-140 bucks). Alternatively, they will be getting themselves to a tax preparer (accountant, Money Mart, H&R Block) and handing over boxes of receipts. Then somebody will e-file it for them, and give them a juicy refund right on the spot. Or in Nick's case, they will cheerfully announce that the government is taking their refund for pay off back debt. That will be fifty bucks! Sigh. I believe that t...

There is a sidebar to the gruesome case of the dismembered unfortunate which has official Ottawa all a-twitter. Do political parties receive such ghastly gifts on a regular basis? Newspapers today are reporting that a number of MPs have received -- let's call it what it is -- shit in the mail -- as well as interesting artifacts and lube cream apparently made from what's inside what people need lube for. Back in the 1980s, I worked at Liberal Party headquarters when Pierre Trudeau was still king. I was a writer and opener of fundraising letters. We always got great, great mail. That's because Canadians take great care in responding to political fundraising letters, spending hours crafting them and getting them just right. My favorite was a letter from a disgruntled fellow who sent us a picture of his lower torso and erect penis spraying his male seed all over himself. "Thanks for the letter," he wrote. "Here's my contribution." The sec...

When I went to journalism school back in the 1970s, I met a lot of people who were there because of Watergate. My second year, the film All the President's Men came out, and the theatres were packed with J students who then piled into Oliver's Pub to talk about the heroic efforts of Woodward and Bernstein. I went to see John Dean spill. I attended a packed lecture by Carl Bernstein. It was almost romantic. Journos were the white knights and dastardly politicians wore the black hats. In the United States. None of us could conceive of a Watergate style scandal like that in Canada. Certainly, we've had the Sponsorship Scandal but it was about money, not about power. And it was in Quebec, not the rest of Canada where we often view our politicians as flawed but not dirty. It's now looking like we might have our first-ever dirty tricks caper in Canada. According to Elections Canada and Postmedia reports, at least 18 closely fought ridings were targeted by robotic...

Jerry Yanover was sipping on a vodka, the ever-present Chesire cat grin becoming even bigger, if that was even possible. He had done it. Outsmarted Joe Clark's fledgling government over John Crosbie's budget. He and Allan J. MacEachen managed to bring down the Tory government at the Liberal Christmas Party. That's one of my best Parliament Hill memories. No one could believe the Liberals. What a crafty bunch. That was 1979, and one of the best Christmas parties the Liberal ever threw. There were many others, of course, with lavish dinners, free flowing booze, more than the odd hookup. If only Room 200 could talk. I have fond memories of the holiday parties during my decade working as a journalist, then a Liberal flak, on Parliament Hill. Like the time I got to sit at the head table of the Liberal Party Christmas party right beside his highness, Pierre Trudeau. The little man made small talk and ate nearly an entire croc en bouche himself. There was hardly...

There's a story today that Laureen Harper will be conducting a free Christmas concert with the National Arts Centre orchestra. The fact that she's not a musician or has never been a conductor doesn't seem to matter. (If I'd been the main conductor, I'd be worried that if the job is this easy, I'd soon be out of a gig.) Who on Earth would want to see this crap? Now, I'm not much of an orchestra fan -- the first time I went, I told one of the musicians I knew all the songs from Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons -- and concerts of these kind always put me to sleep. But watching Laureen Harper twirl the baton would be like watching her husband playing pro hockey with the Senators. Both, I'm sure would fall on their asses. Let's face it: Prime Ministerial wives are useless appendages, with the exception of say, Mo McTeer, who actually had a professional job as a lawyer. But even McTeer was dumbed down upon taking up the key to 24 Sussex, wr...