Rose's Cantina

These days, they call Anderson Cooper a "veteran" newsman. He was born when Mike Wallace was 50. Wallace and his buddies over at 60 Minutes invented the term "veteran". They were born before people had radios in the house. They invented television. And now it seems, alas, Myron Wallace has shuffled off the mortal coil. Along with his buds Don Hewitt and Andy Rooney. 'Bout time. They were on television so long, they started to smell bad. Morley Safer's still alive and on television, unless Walt Disney did, in fact, perfect cryogenetics. He shouldn't be. He creeps me out. It's like watching Tales from the Crypt. I liked Mike Wallace best of all the old curmudgeons because he scared the shit out of every Master of the Universe on his way down. The mere fact Mike Wallace was calling probably sent most folks into cardiac arrest. He wasn't perfect. He paid for stories. He misled. He entertained. He smoked. But Mike Wallace was a helluva pe...

Have you ever wondered why there are more hotdog buns in a package than a regular package of hotdogs? What are you supposed to do with them? And what's the deal with the potatoes bought on your birthday that are still around until your next birthday and look exactly the same? I once went into the post office and noticed that it had done a study that showed, in color coding, the times when the post office was less busy. But every time I went into the post office on the color-coded busy times, they were short staffed. Did someone forget to give the managers the study? Why don't the manufacturers of socks-in-bags add in a couple of extra socks to compensate for the ones lost in the dryer? Why are there more old drunks than old doctors? What's the deal with the city crews who always come to dig something up in threes when only one guy has a shovel? Why can scientists manage to genetically engineer a peach not to have fuzz but they can't make a pit bull that ...