Rose's Cantina

Well, it's nice to see that der burgermeister von Toronto , as Mayor Rob Ford is referred to in the German media, is making Canadians proud on the world stage. His crack-addled nob was featured as the lead on media sites on all continents yesterday after he admitted that he had indeed inhaled when he was roaming the city "in a drunken stupor".  He only did it once, he said. Once. And even then he can't remember because he was so "wasted".  He wants Police Chief Blair to release the video so he can see for himself how blotto he was. I'm sorry your honor, I don't remember smoking crack. I am Absinthe-minded. A clear-headed Canadian might ask the question: why wasn't he stopped before? Everybody on the planet has known since May that Ford was a lying, Range-roving addict but not one exorcism was performed. Why, for example, when the Toronto police had him under surveillance didn't they simply stop him as he was throwing liqu...

      You know your life is pathetic when you're watching the Hallowe'en shows on daytime television. In my own defence, there wasn't much else to do. The weather was crappy, I'd already walked the dogs and this house is so small, it could almost clean itself. Well, that's a lie. I hate housework, but yesterday, I yearned for the big old house I once lived in and the five bedrooms to clean.   I'm so bored, I'm thinking of a career with Molly Maid.   Thank goodness for the political drama that is playing itself out on the all news channels. Afternoons, which were once filled with All My Children and lesbianic talk shows, can now be wasted watching Amanda Blitz's body swell.   Canadian news channels have more content than Wikipedia these days.   Who needs Joan Collins and Linda Evans, when we have the dueling blowouts in the form of Pamela Wallin and Carolyn Stewart Olson? Then there's Duffy, the walking puffer with his lon...

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net (Marcus) It's been a rough week for our beloved Prime Minister Stephen Harper. He's getting a Goldring shoved up his arse by a member of his own carcass, I mean Caucus. Even some Conservative bagel eaters in the Senate cannot stomach his attempt to toss The Three Amigos into the Rideau River. Pretty soon Tories will be eating their own tails. I bet Stephen Harper can't wait for Calgary. At least at the Convention, there will be some Tories who have his back. Just make sure they leave their weapons at the door. How needs a hug, huh?

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net (naypong) Yesterday was the perfect day to be sick in Ottawa. As I lay prone on the couch, clutching the recently spayed pug Sophie to my chest lest the evil Finnigan break her stitches, I was able to distract myself with some good television, some very good television indeed. First came Question Period, with Tom Mulcair giving a masterclass on interrogation. "Will the Prime Minister?" "When did the Prime Minister?" "With whom did the Prime Minister?" He was really getting Harper's goat. You could almost see the red rising in the Prime Minister's cheeks. You couldn't really. By the look of him, Harper has been undead for some time, hidden away in the bowels of a boat headed back and forth to Europe in a quest for some very fine wine and cheese to ply the voters of Brandon Souris. Harper was clearly pissed at that little nugget Mike Duffy who has been delighting the rest of us with his tale...

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It was all over the news last week that Pamela Pitstop had coughed up nearly 200 grand to pay back the taxpayers of Canada for her fraudulent travel claims. For her part, Pammy says she has done nothing wrong, that the Deloitte auditors changed the rules and that she was only guilty of being a bad beancounter. She may be the only person in Canada who thinks she's a victim. But it made me wonder: why are there so many political crooks in Saskatchewan? To begin with, Saskatchewan has a bit of a reputation for being a crime culture. and Saskatoon and Regina are always within the top five cities in Canada with the highest crime rates in all categories. Did it begin with Al Capone in the tunnels of Moose Jaw? Or it is part of a wild west mentality every man and woman for themselves? I think it all began with Conservative leader Grant Devine, the former premier of Saskatchewan whose government smelled like Regina before the invention of the water softener. During the Devine ye...

During this luscious August week, it's hard to believe we have to be bothered by the Pamela Wallin travel expense scandal, but bothered we are. If I were Pam Wallin, I would never travel again. Put yourself in her $800 pumps for a moment. Imagine standing in line waiting for a flight and having everyone stare at you, or jeer at you, for taking a flight headed to T.O. from Ottawa. Or waiting in the Timmy's line for your double double with eyes boring into the back of your Donna Karan smock. I can hear the wise cracks now. "She'll be having the chocolate donut," someone might say. "You know, the one that's double dipped." Harharhar. Some of my Facebook friends are actually saying that Pamela Pitstop is being unfairly treated because she's a woman in a bouffant hairstyle. I'm not so sure. Like Lucy being caught by Ricky, she's got a lot of 'splainin' to do. The University of Guelph loved her as a Chancellor because she d...

The scandals in Ottawa have done one positive thing. They have gotten people to pay attention to politics again. Until two weeks ago, I hadn't watched a single episode of Power Play -- boy, that Don Martin is a laugh riot. He reminds me of Jon Lovitz. We've got a crisis, here, see? says Opera Man through his clenched teeth. A Goddamned crisis! Gallery members must be having a field day, raking in the cash as they ping pong from political show to politic show. (CRA take note!) And the best news of all is that, thanks to Duffy, Frank magazine is coming back again. Gosh, how I've missed Frank. An honorable member, no, no! It's another place the Gallery makes money by feeding gossipy stories without attribution about slimy people they deplore. Some of the big media stars in Ottawa built themselves some pretty nice piles in Rockcliffe on the residuals from Frank . Not! They probably made enough money to feed the meters leaking to Frank , but money's no...