Rose's Cantina

A lot of namby-pamby sorts were hand-wringing today because an 18-year-old girl was found passed out on the weekend in the driveway of 24 Sussex Drive. Apparently, Ben Harper and his pals were celebrating his 18th  birthday party in Gatineau and something went sideways. The girl in question was found passed out, apparently wasted. A few folks were saying that this "was a private matter," a medical emergency. That's what the RCMP said, anyway, passing the buck as always. This stuff has happened at 24 Sussex for ages. Remember Maggie T smoking pot and dancing around the rosebushes before she forgot her pants at Studio 54? I myself have been a little wasted there on numerous occasions, right under the noses of the less-than-interested RCMP detail. We used to smoke pot at 24 when the Liberals were in power. Not saying which Liberals, but you can guess. We drank, we drank, we smoked the ganga whilst an occasional PM strolled by, none the wiser. It happens. On...

PHOTO COURTESY OF FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET (IMAGEWIZARDY) Okay, Laureen, put the bills on the table. Why is the damned cable bill so high? Are you renting movies again? There's nothing else to do in this effing place after I find the cats and feed them. You know we're going have to economize. We can't live rent free forever, and the Rogers bill is killing us. And what about these roaming charges? How did you manage to spent thousands of dollars on roaming charges? Hello! We travel a lot, Steve. I need to keep in touch with my peeps who are planning the Fur Ball. Still, Laureen. We can't afford all these charges. The cable bill is out of control and you don't watch half these channels anyways. And we have to pay extra for Sun News! Well, you are Prime Minister, Steve. Maybe you can do something about it. You know, throw a bone to the shut-ins and hipsters. Okay, now let's talk about how much you spend on ringtones.  

There's a story today that Laureen Harper will be conducting a free Christmas concert with the National Arts Centre orchestra. The fact that she's not a musician or has never been a conductor doesn't seem to matter. (If I'd been the main conductor, I'd be worried that if the job is this easy, I'd soon be out of a gig.) Who on Earth would want to see this crap? Now, I'm not much of an orchestra fan -- the first time I went, I told one of the musicians I knew all the songs from Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons -- and concerts of these kind always put me to sleep. But watching Laureen Harper twirl the baton would be like watching her husband playing pro hockey with the Senators. Both, I'm sure would fall on their asses. Let's face it: Prime Ministerial wives are useless appendages, with the exception of say, Mo McTeer, who actually had a professional job as a lawyer. But even McTeer was dumbed down upon taking up the key to 24 Sussex, wr...

It seems our prime minister is faltering in his quest for world domination. Sure, he and Barry O'bama were all smiles for the photo ops. But when they got down and dirty at APEC, Barry showed Steve-o the hand. He might even have farted in his general direction. Not much of a bromance when you come right down to it. Harper seems not to understand how little Canada means to the rest of the world. Except for our comedy. And our music. And even in those arenas, the Brits are gaining on us. Goodbye SCTV , Hello, The Office . Goodbye David Foster . Hello Simon Cowell . About the only things Americans respect us for are our cheap drugs and our looney-tune acrobats. And Lorne Michaels. Anyway. Steve-o should take some tips from former prime ministers to improve our influence south of the border. The Yanks hated Trudeau. But damn it, they respected him. He shunned Reagan, but he dated Barbra Streisand. He was too cool. And left them wanting more. Mul...