Rose's Cantina

About ten years ago, I created a media frenzy after I complained in the Ottawa Citizen that my daughter's school was sending her home for wearing a "belly top". I thought the principal was being ridiculous. The top was not at all revealing. Besides, Marissa was still in that square tween stage, boobless and curveless. There's more skin shown on Toddlers and Tiaras . The story went viral. Editorials were written. National television embraced the story. Lines were drawn on both sides of the belly button. I still believe that school dress codes are stupid and are enforced by stupid and ugly-minded control freaks who want to quash a child's creativity and self-expression. There have been many times I've wanted to tell someone that what they're wearing is inappropriate. The color is wrong for them. The style is way off base. But I keep my mouth shut. It's not my business. And unless there is a hint of pubes, school officials have no bu...

The rowing machine at the gymnasty gives me a bird's eye view of everyone's figure flaws. There is an elliptical machine that sits in front of me, and when I look up I see all manner of shapes and sizes. Like the unfortunate girl with the tiny little torso and the huge bottom. She could come on Hallowe'en dressed as a deformed apple. Or the skinny fellow who looks like he's swallowed a giant marshmallow which has lodged in his midriff. Or even the perfectly coiffed, pony-tail sporting Lou Lou Liz Lemon whose buttocks looks like a loaf of unbaked bread. God love 'em. As Freddie Mercury once crooned: "Big bottomed girls, they make the world go round." No one should be afraid to go to the gym. There is always someone who is worse off. I see one guy every day -- he looks like a Carleton philosophy professor -- whose leg looks like it's been mangled by a rabid dog. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a little person who stood only two feet tall...