Rose's Cantina

It sounds so simple, doesn't it? Baby steps. Take a vacation from your problems. But sometimes, baby steps are all a person can take when faced with a mental illness. When my anxiety disorder was in full bloom, it was all I could do to get to the office. I couldn't take the bus. If I got on the bus, in only minutes, I was off it walking sometimes miles to get to my destination, So Scott had to get me in the car for the drive to work, all six minutes of it. Every day. I would clench my hands around the door handle, close my eyes. It will all be over soon, I would say. Sometimes, the drive to work seemed like hours, especially in traffic, especially when he took the highway. When I got to work, I'd rush up the elevator to my spacious office and close the blinds, methodically turn on my computer. I always got to the office early so I had a half hour to calm myself, have some coffee, read the newspaper. Guz frabba. Then, and only then, I could function. For ...

I finally realized last night that I have become, officially, unhinged. This happens to me once in a great while when I'm under an enormous amount of stress. It's been a bad economic time for our family with Scott changing jobs, Nick not having one, and me working only six months of the year as a magazine editor. Our rent is too high and our bills were getting away from us. We also have a Mastercard that we've been unable to pay off for years now because of the crushing interest payments. We've made some course corrections in the last month or so which will finally make our living situation manageable. Our plan is to have all the debt paid off in two years and finally start saving again. It's not that we're spendthrifts but we've faced several crises in the last couple of years that started to sink us. It began with the toxic oil spill on Smyth Road. We had to make an emergency move which, despite having insurance, started to eat away at what savings...