Is Eve Adams "Oakworthy"?

Former Conservative pop tart Eve Adams is working closely with her arm candy, Dimitri Soudas, on a plan that will prove to Oakville Liberals that she is indeed "Oakworthy".

We have learned here, exclusively, that the love birds, who are now being called DimEve by affectionate Liberals, are in talks to put a strip shopping mall on the very site of Dalton McGuinty's failed gas plants as an olive branch to the well-heeled folk whose mansions buffer the stink fest that is Lake Ontario.

The mall will be aptly called All About Eve and will include many exclusive boutiques where Oakvillians can get their hair and makeup done at ridiculous prices and have their cars lovingly washed and detailed using Argon oil and sea sponges while they wait. It's not just for the ladies; there is also a Hair Club for Men!

Eve's campaign headquarters will be run in a prominent piece of real estate in the centre of the mall, proving once again that she is, indeed, the centre of her universe.

"I'm really hoping that some of the other Liberal candidates will come and experience All About Eve," said the candidate herself on a call from a spa in Colorado. "Good, Lord! Have you seen some of those women? They could certainly use a little Botox in their lives!"

Should her bid for office fail, Eve is already planning her next move.

She is in talks with Andy Cohen to produce a Real Housewives of Oakville series which will run on a new specialty channel which will replace the Sun News Network.

"I'm hoping I can do both," Eve chirped over Skype. "I've been a Cabinet Minister, well, sort of, and I know there's lots of down time in those jobs. Justin (Trudeau) has promised me a position that would mean I would have plenty of free time. Something like Health. I'm not really sure. Maybe Revenue. Personally, I'd like National Defence, but he says he doesn't want me near any of those soldiers who are, you know, sick in the head."

As for Dimitri Soudas, he has landed a job in the Parliamentary barber shop shining Liberal shoes and is just waiting for the campaign to get under way.

"I simply can't wait," said Soudas who famously was canned from his job for spending too much time polishing Eve's shoes. "Justin is a remarkable man. He's handsome, he's perky. He's just what the doctor ordered after working for Herr Harper."

Soudas is also writing a tell all book about Stephen Harper entitled, The Devil is in the Details, a work that is planned for a pre-fall election release.

"It's my Valentine to Stephen whom I always considered a father," said Soudas with an uncharacteristic grin. "Daddy Dearest."

And now, this....

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder. Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in. That'...

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...

Rose's Cantina

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