Skip to main content

Jessie Stokes: A domestic abuse survivor's story

Sometimes, I am in awe of the women in my family. I think about the sacrifices made by my grandmothers and aunts, and the strength and grace of my cousins who often stare down adversity. 

I come from a family of widows. My grandmother Ina Crown mourned her first husband who died during WWI. My mother Vera buried her own soldier husband, my father Russ, after he died as a result of PTSD at only 34. As a little girl, I watched the women close to me struggle, and cry when they thought I wasn't looking. I was always looking, and learning. 

I still am. 

Against all odds, they soldiered on. They were Steel Maples, standing tall against every storm. 

In my own generation, I have marveled at the sacrifices made by my cousins to raise whole families on their own, and to deal with many mental and physical health challenges, and I am humbled watching Ashley's family endure the loss of their lovely girl whose only fault was picking the wrong guy.

We've all been there. The Simpson women are not invincible, but we are warriors. We are not super women but we are strong enough to get through the unimaginable. Divorce, loss, single motherhood, addiction, depression, even suicide attempts.

Today, I honor my cousin Jessie Stokes, who is a survivor in all possible ways. At a young age, she raised a daughter on her own, and is now bringing up two young boys while pursuing a career in social work. It's been a rough road for Jessie, who like Ashley, was a victim of extreme violence at the hands of her partner. Yesterday, she was celebrated by the 2nd annual Champions of Change in British Columbia. She received an award as the Brave Survivor of Violence, an individual showing resiliency, strength and dignity in the face of high risk violence.

I am including a video of the virtual ceremony which includes a moving address by Jessie herself who proudly came out of the shadows to tell her story. In it, she talks about her struggles, and her path to a better life. She also explains that she wouldn't be here today if it were not for the police officers, therapists and social workers who supported her in her journey.

Today, she is using her skills and training to help women who struggle with addiction. She hopes one day to work with other victims of violence, and share her first hand experience with them. The world needs a lot more Jessies the been-there-done-that women who can gauge when silence masks fear, and when a plea for help is to not ask for help at all.

It's hard to watch this video, and it may trigger some women, but I urge every woman to share it with women they know who are at risk.

Get up. Get out. Tell somebody. And always have a plan. 

Congrats, Jessie. 

You've made us all proud!


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

  Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder.  Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a  head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in.   That'...

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...