The wind
whipped through the peach trees that lined the route Meggie took to get home
from school. The skin on her face felt raw from the driving sleet, and her
hands were numb from the biting cold. She could feel it through her damp mitts,
the ones Grandma had knitted for her in the early fall.
“You never
know in this country when the weather’s gonna change,” Grandma told her when
she handed her the season’s supply.
She was grateful
for Grandma who always had many pairs at the ready. Meggie marveled at the old
woman who would knit her fingers raw to keep the family wrapped in warmth
during the long cold Niagara winter, with its punishing breath fueled by an
angry Lake Ontario.
The little
girl couldn’t wait to get home today. It was the last day of school, and her
backpack was full of treats from the annual party, as well as cards from well-
wishing classmates. It was nearly Christmas, and thoughts of presents and candy
filled her head distracting her from the cold.
Meggie rushed in the side door of the tar-papered old farmhouse she shared with her grandparents, Lila and Ernie, her mother, Lettie, and her two brothers. A pair of ancient uncles rounded out the crew.
She dropped her damp mitts and thin
pink coat in the hallway and bounded upstairs expecting her Grandma to be
hovering over the stove making stew.
She looked
around the big kitchen. There was no one there.
Meggie
turned the corner into the dining room and was surprised to see everyone
sitting around the old oak table. Her aunt Elsa was there, along with her uncle
Ken. The ancients were there, too, but there was no sign of Grandpa or her mom.
Elsa looked
up and saw the little girl standing in the doorway. Her eyes were red, and her
face looked as if she had eaten a pound of sour grapes.
“Hi Mellie,”
she started. “How was school today?”
Mellie
smiled.
“Great!”
she reported. “I got all kinds of stuff at the party and my friend gave me a
Nancy Drew book for Christmas.”
“Oh that’s
nice, sweetheart,” Elsa said, her puffy eyes wrinkling. “I’m so glad for you.”
The older
woman rose from her chair and approached the little girl holding out her hand.
“Come here,
sweetheart,” she said softly and led the girl into the living room.
“What’s the
matter?” Mellie asked. She was confused, and a little frightened.
“So Grandma
is in the hospital,” Elsa explained. “She’s had a stroke. Do you know what that
means?”
Mellie shook
her head.
“A stroke happens
when there is something wrong with your brain and it sort of stops telling the
rest of your body what to do.”
Mellie
looked at Elsa with wide eyes.
“That
happened to Grandma?”
“Yes, so
she’s in the hospital.”
Elsa
nodded.
“When is
she coming home?”
Elsa looked
back into the dining room, but there was no cavalry to come to her rescue.
“So, here’s
the thing. Grandma’s not coming home. She went to heaven this afternoon.”
Mellie’s
eyes welled with tears.
“To be with
Penny?”
“That’s
right, to be with Penny who will be there with Grandma to be her dog in heaven.”
Mellie
remembered the terrible scene last summer when her Golden Retriever Penny was
hit by a car speeding down the country road. Mellie had never loved anything
more than Penny and she ran to the dog who looked like she was sleeping except
her eyes were open, and a small dribble of red was coming from her mouth.
The little
girl was inconsolable as she watched Grandpa and Uncle Chet carry Penny’s
lifeless body behind the barn, never to be seen again.
“Will
Grandpa be taking Grandma behind the barn to be with Penny?”
Elsa laughed.
“No
sweetheart,” she said. “Grandma’s going to be buried in the cemetery at the
church.”
“Okay,”
Mellie said and got up and left the room. She returned to the kitchen and picked
up her backpack, opened it, and admired all the glittery cards and treats. She
reached for a plastic bag with a red ribbon and a white tag that was filled
with chocolates and jellies. Mellie selected a chocolate covered cherry, her
favorite, and popped it into her mouth. She loved chocolate covered cherries,
relished them because she only got them at Christmas. They were Grandma’s
favorites, too. Mellie wondered if there were chocolate covered cherries for
Grandma in Heaven.
Then she
ate the whole bag of treats before returning to the dining room where her relatives
were huddling, smoking and drinking beer and spirits. She wondered about adults,
why they didn’t just eat candy instead of filling their lungs with smelly stuff
but she guessed there was a reason for it.
“Can I
watch tv?”
Elsa looked
up.
“Of course,
watch anything you want.”
It was
Commander Tom time, and Mellie felt comforted by his big smile, and his stupid
jokes, and the puppets that weren’t real people.
Nothing has
changed, she thought. Commander Tom maybe doesn’t know Grandma’s gone to heaven.
I wonder who will tell him?
The little
girl crawled onto the couch, wrapped Grandma’s favorite knitted blanket over her
shoulders, and fell into a deep warm sleep. She awoke to see her mom looking
down on her, with wet eyes and pouting lips. Lettie placed a hand on her daughter’s
left cheek, and left it there for a moment, as if she was trying to capture the
little girl’s spirit and kindness to fill the big hole she felt in her heart.
Lettie gave
Mellie a big warm hug that seemed to last forever.
“Mom,” Mellie
said pushing back slightly. “I can’t breathe!”
“I’m sorry,
love,” Lettie smiled. “I’m just so glad to see you.”
Lettie led
her daughter back into the dining room where Mellie noticed the people had
multiplied. There were aunts and uncles and cousins all smoking and drinking
and crying.
“I don’t want
to be here,” Mellie told Lettie. “I can’t breathe.”
Her mother
didn’t seem to notice her slip down the stairs into the basement where Grandpa
kept all the sports stuff. Mellie reached into a box and pulled out her skates,
the ones Grandpa had bought at the used sports equipment store last year. She
grabbed them and headed outside.
“I hope
they fit,” she thought to herself.
She was bundled
for cold but was grateful that the wind had died down. The air was calm and she pulled it through her nose into her lungs in hopes of getting rid of the lingering smell of smoke. Mellie walked out into the field maybe a quarter of a mile beyond
the peach trees. She always thought they looked like old witches holding
brooms.
She sat
down on the cold earth and took off her boots and fiddled with the laces of her
greyish skates. They were a little tight, she thought.
“I hope Santa
brings me new ones.”
The land
was covered with a light dusting of snow, and the brilliant December moon lit
her way, and revealed puddles that had frozen over, maybe twenty of them.
Mellie picked a large puddle about the size of her Grandpa’s car, and started
to skate, tentatively at first.
As she
gained confidence, she practiced small circles. Pretty soon, she was gliding,
and imagined herself like Dorothy Hamell swirling around the set of an Andy
Williams special while Mr. Christmas crooned Christmas carols.
This was
Mellie’s Christmas special, so she decided to select the song. Rudolph, and Jingle
Bells, didn’t seem right now that Grandma was in heaven, and couldn’t enjoy Burrell
Ives on the tv. Nor could she ring her favorite bell, the one her own mother had given her as a child. This year, Mellie supposed, her mother would be ringing the bell. Or maybe, the bell would sit in its little box. She reminded herself to talk to mom about the bell.
Grandma loved hearing the churchy songs, the ones about Baby Jesus. So she decided to start with Grandma's favorite.
O Holy
Night, the stars are brightly shining
It is
the night of the dear Savior’s birth.
Mellie knew all of the words but
she didn’t understand them. She reckoned sin was about being bad, or wrong, but what was error pining?
Still she
continued, at first with a small voice. By the time she reached the chorus, her
voice began to soar, as if she was possessed by some sort of joyful noise.
She knew
she had to wail it out; she was putting a show on.
Oh hear
the angel voices
Oh,
night divine
Oh,
night divine.
And then, as instructed by the song, she fell hard on her knees and began to cry.
Mellie
looked up to the sky and watched the twinkling stars that looked like glittering
freckles.
“Hi
Grandma,” she smiled. “I love you. Say hi to Penny for me.”
And then
she sat on her bum and put on her boots.
Her toes
didn’t hurt at all.
She looked
up once again, and the stars were covered in billowy clouds, and the moon had disappeared.
Mellie
grabbed her skates and headed back to the farmhouse.
She took
off her mitts, headed down the stairs, and put the skates back in their box. She
padded up the stairs, and into the smoke filled dining room.
She
realized that no one had noticed she had left the room.
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