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Benched Again

I went to Employment Ontario last week in hopes of getting some help getting a job.
It's been several months since I was laid off from my very good government job, and things aren't looking any better for me, in spite of finally getting my degree after 40 plus years.
The Ontario government offers help for those of us on the D list by offering retraining and the assistance of somebody they call a "job coach". The way I figured it, any assistance would help.
One of the things the government offers is up to two years of assistance for people to go back to school to upgrade their skills or find a completely new "second career". I was assured that the fact I was 63 would not deter me from getting into retraining.
So I was pumped, and eagerly sat in on a seminar.
The first order of the day was to fill in a matrix to determine whether an applicant can qualify for assistance. The person has to get 16 points to qualify. I scored only 14.
My deficits included: having a university degree (0) and being a professional (0).
Apparently being a writer ranks right up there with being a lawyer or doctor or chartered accountant.
The job coach also showed me other major marks against me, and I began to get defensive.
"This says you were a policy analyst," she explained.
"Yeah, but I wasn't qualified for that job."
"What?"
"I can't work as a policy analyst because I don't have an economics degree."
"But you worked as a senior policy analyst in the federal government, correct?"
"Yes but I wasn't qualified, so they booted me out after my contract was over."
Huh.
"Okay, here it says you were president of a company."
"That's true, but it was my company, and I was clearly not qualified for being president of anything."
"And here it says you were Managing Editor of a number of medical publications."
I shook my head.
"But I wasn't qualified for that job, either."
"How is that?"
"In the private sector, they hire anybody who will work for 10 cents on the dollar. I had no training for that job, so I just winged it. You know, learning as you go."
"But you did that for five years."
"Exactly. I was one of those 'learning on the job' type person."
Huh.
"Okay, okay, but you are a writer, correct? That's a professional designation."
"But anybody can be a writer. My son only has high school and he's published eight books."
"Sorry, you get a zero."
"Okay, how about I write you a real resume which actually shows you how unqualified I am to do anything?"
"The Ministry is very specific. If you did those jobs, you are a professional. It says here on the matrix."

I left Employment Ontario feeling, for the first time, really bummed out.
I'm over qualified for retraining or skills upgrading, and I'm not qualified for any of the jobs I've done in my life.
What am I qualified for?
Eating, sleeping, dog and kid minding.
Thanks job coach.
Benched again.
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