Rosie Tits: Getting rid of the "Old Stripper Boobs"

Tomorrow is my scheduled appointment with the plastic surgeon to see if she is willing to save me from all this boob weight. I've been waiting for nearly two years for this appointment, and I'm really excited.

I'm also a bit nervous, as I haven't yet met my goal of being a BMI of 30. Despite watching my diet and exercising like a maniac for a couple of months, I've lost all of two pounds. Here's hoping that the good doctor has one of those miracle weight loss pre-surgery diets.

I suspect I will be learning to love Boost.

Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

Anyway, in preparation for my surgery, I've been conducting some research on the subject of breast reduction. A few weeks ago, I came across this terrific show on Lifetime called Atlanta Plastic. The reality show follows three African American plastic surgeons as they add and subtract human tissue from their clientele which is all black folks.

I love this show because it's the first one that speaks to me as a large breasted female.

The women on this show are all African American, and many are my size. The other night, I saw a woman who was exactly my boob size, a whopping HH cup. That's the size of one of those mega-drinks they ban in New York City.

What I like about these women is that they have a healthy attitude towards their bodies. They don't want to look like supermodels, in fact, a lot of them want more junk in their trunk. And a lot of the ones who have boob reductions don't want a drastic change. They love their bodies, and their men love them just as they are.

This woman in the picture above came to the doctor with Z cup breasts. What did she want? A tummy tuck, and extra put into her backside. You see, she makes money off her boobs by showing them off on the Internet. In fact, she is in the Guinness Book of World records for the biggest boobs on Planet Earth.

Watching the women on this show has been enlightening. They are honest, and forthright.

"Now, don't you give me no itty bitty titties," the HH cup woman warns the handsome doctor before surgery.

Instead, he took off 40 percent of her boobs, which he said was the equivalent of what he would put into THREE women to enlarge her breasts. And when she was finished, she was still too big, in my opinion.

Size matters.

I am not hugely overweight, and I have the shoulders of a 9-year-old. For me, it comes down to my ability to carry around 10 pounds of boob weight, and find bras that don't come from Frederick's of Hollywood.

It's like the Princess of All Big Boobed Girls, Sofia Vergara says.

"I love my stripper boobs, but when I get old I'll probably have a breast reduction because who wants to have Old Stripper boobs?"

My point exactly. They're like young Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. If she had the choice she would never have wanted to be Judy Garland.

My boobs were awesome when they were young. Now they are like two sacks of white flour in a gluten free world.

Wish my luck at the doc tomorrow.

Meantime, enjoy.

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Rose's Cantina

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