The Giant Head of Conroy Pit

Conroy Pit, an off-lease dog park in the south end of Ottawa, is one of my favorite places on Earth. It is a mecca for dog lovers who come out to see the myriad breeds of dogs run, hustle and spin. It's also a great place to socialize new canines and keep the old ones tuned up.

Unfortunately, things are changing in our beloved park and not for the better.

The City of Ottawa has recently re-gigged its budget for the park and fired its private contractors, the ones who used to come and empty the dog poo bins which were placed at the entrance to the park and at a midway point. The one in the middle has disappeared completely and the entrance bin has been replaced by what I like to call The Giant Head, a spaceship-sized dome which could easily consume a ton of doggie doo.

I suppose the change was made so that The Giant Head only had to be emptied once a millennium by some company owned by Rod Bryden. I cannot see how it could be emptied at all given the size of it. Perhaps the city has hired a poo crew to get inside and clean The Giant Head. Perhaps some chemical or other is added and the poo is incinerated.

For whatever reason, The Giant Head must have cost a frickin' fortune, much more than the salary of the poor contractor with a pickup truck.

In any case, the move has caused much inconvenience for dog walkers who had been grateful because having the second bin meant that they didn't have to walk five kilometres with smelly bags of dog feces.

The lack of a second bin has also resulted in a silent epidemic caused by dog walkers who are now hanging colorful bags of poo in the trees as if they were piñatas.

I am not alone in my objection to the new park maintenance plan.

The good dog walkers of Conroy Pit have, of late, started complaining to Diane Deans, the councillor for the area and our good Mayor Watson. Every park in the city has at least eight garbage bins which -- I am sorry but it is true -- are filled to the brim with dog poo. Why must we taxpaying off leash dog walkers be treated like second class citizens?

Anyway, Ottawa City Council must have heard them crying foul because just last week, a city crew was dispatched to clean up the park.

There were three of them. One girl with one of those sticks and two guys who were just walking along enjoying the sunshine and collecting their fifteen bucks an hour for doing absolutely nothing. I watched this genius trio for a while, noticed that one of the dudes had a pretty good buzz on. He walked straight forward, eyes shaded like some kind of rock star. I'm sure if he walked in piles of steamy feces, he wouldn't have noticed.

In fact, not one single one of them noticed the balloons of feces hanging in the trees!

Hah.

By my figuring, that sojourn in the park probably cost taxpayers a hundred bucks for the non-work, plus gas. The guy with the pickup truck who the city fired probably would have come and emptied two bins for fifty bucks.

This is so typical of city crews.

Do you ever notice that it takes three of them to plant one tree? One to drive the truck. One to dig the hole. One to put the tree in. Plus one supervisor to make sure the tree was planted correctly.

Please Diane Deans give us back our bin. Hire back the poor guy with the truck who used to clean the park. Put the city crew back to work greening the capital one tree at a time.

Do this, and we'll vote for you in the next election.

Promise.