When the dog poops on your shoulder

You see this dog?
This dog is Public Enemy Number One in my house.
Why?
I was sleeping last night when Gordon J. Blackstone lumbered onto my pillow and proceeded to take a dump on my shoulder.
I shit you not.
If you have never had this experience, it's perfectly surreal.
You don't see it coming. You see the rear and you hear the plop, plop and then you savor the smell.
A shitting can not be stopped in mid, uh, stream.
Otherwise it will smear.
It's helpful to have a husband to elbow so as not to move even slightly should the turds roll under you. They must be lifted gingerly. There must be a good amount of paper towel involved.
Try going back to sleep after that.

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