Skip to main content

Remembrance Day and the damaged soldier



As the child of a damaged soldier, I see Remembrance Day differently.
My father did not die in combat. He died of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, a brain disease brought on by reoccuring images of war.
The sounds and mental pictures of the battlefield never went away for my dad so he tried to silence them with booze. His life ended in a rolled car on a country road in 1957 on a cold November night. Neighbors found him pinned under his car with a six pack of beer at his side.
There was no funeral cortege for my father, only a small marker in a military graveyard. No medals or notes from the Queen. He was no hero in the eyes of his community, just a rounder who couldn't keep a job and left his pitiful wife to pay his creditors.
Instead of a ceremony, there was an inquest.
Instead of a military pension, there was welfare for his widow.
Instead of a father, there was a picture on top of the black and white television set.
And radio silence.
For years.
My mother ended up in an institution for a time, in a locked psychiatric ward with electric shocks being shot through her temple. We were handed off to my grandparents while my mom got her act together.
Imagine being a little girl growing up in the shadow of an infamous dad, the one who left his tire marks across the street from her public school. I lied to people. I made up a father. I was too ashamed of the real story.
I went to church alone because my mother couldn't afford the tithe. I feigned sickness on Father's Day so I didn't have to make a card. I had to rely on other people's fathers for a ride to the prom or a walk down the aisle.
War is not to be celebrated. There should be no statutory holiday to commemorate Remembrance Day, as some suggest. Remembrance day is a day of national mourning; it's not a day for Christmas shopping as I saw many public servants do last year.
Instead of just being a day of romanticized ceremonies and free lunches for veterans, Remembrance Day should be a day of dialogue on how to prevent war and senseless deaths and amputations. It should be a day to talk about ways to help and repair the damage solider. It should be a day dedicated to supporting widows and orphans who are the real casualties of war. A day to make them whole again.
It's too late for my family. My mother is long dead and I have made peace with my father and his legacy. But it's just the beginning for the hundreds of women and children who are mourning the loss of their loved ones in Afganistan and for the many others who are living with family members who are damaged goods.
Instead of raising a glass to distant memories, let's talk about that instead.




 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

  Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder.  Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a  head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in.   That'...

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...