Take this. See me later for a lung transplant

My grandpa, Loyal Crown, took a tray full of medications each day for his various ailments.
As a result, he used to fall down a lot.
Granny Ina called them "spells".
Today, we might suspect that his "spells" were caused by the fact he mixed so many medications. That topic never came up in the 60s. He just fell down a lot until one day he didn't get up.
Farmers are suspicious of doctors.We only go to see them at the 11th hour and sometimes that means that we see the doctor after an ambulance visit.
That was how Granny Crown used to do it. She'd stay away from the doctor for years then something would happen, like the time she went downstairs for a bottle of beer and ended up being carted to the St. Catharines General Hospital with a fractured hip.
One thing we knew. Once you saw the doctor, you were in the system and that would eventually lead to death.
I start this blog with this anecdote because, when it comes to modern medicine, I hate to be always right.
I got into the system a few months back after finally finding a family doctor who I believed wouldn't kill me. He, in turn, told me I had high blood pressure, pronounced "I blude pwesseur" and told me I needed to be on medication, stat.
He didn't say stat. That was what George Clooney would have said. I just made that up.
He just handed me a script and sent me on my way.
Trouble is, when Dr. Ben (last name unpronouncable) put me on Coversyl Plus, he didn't mention that there would be any side effects. Simply, he shrugged, and said, "no you weel not feel any difference."
That was three months ago. About the same time, I developed a terrible dry cough in my lungs. When I returned to see Dr. Ben, he said that the cough "vas nutting" just a virus.
I accepted this sage advice and continued to hack up a piece of lung every day or so.
This cough has made me a pariah. When I start hacking, I pee my pants, my eyes start to well and my face turns purple. Everyone looks at me and I know they're thinking "you should be in a sanitorium".
I've had to start wearing Poise and glugging Buckley's mixture like a rubbie on Rideau Street.
The cough has also adversely affected my marriage.
Scott and I fight about it every single day.
He's now predicting I will die shortly of an embolism. (He says this to a hypochondriac!)
Yesterday, I went to the pharmacy to renew my prescription and get a half litre of Buckley's and I got talking to the young pharmacist, telling him my tale of woe.
He filled my prescription, charged me for it and waved me off. I was about to go on my way when I saw a light bulb literally explode in his head.
"Wait," he said. "The biggest side effect of Coversyl is a dry cough."
So today, I bounced in to see Dr. Ben who said: "Yes, yes, eet eez possible."
He gave me a new prescription.
"Theese one shoed nut give you side effects."
I was thrilled and went back to the pharmacist who said that even though I didn't use the medication I got yesterday, which is in a blister pack, he can't take it back. I'm out fifty bucks.
But I figure I'll save fifty bucks in one week alone by not having to buy a quart of Buckley's.
Still. What a rip.
Medicine, they name is shit.

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder. Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in. That'...

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...

Rose's Cantina

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