Skip to main content

The Queen of Instant Gratification

Dear Harley:

I was so happy to get your reply to my tweet yesterday. It's pretty unusual for a busy guy like yourself to take interest in the weight loss plight of an ordinary citizen like me. I can't really compete with your clients: J Lo, Miley Cyrus, Rachel McAdam, Halle Berry and all the other movie stars you train into ripped shapedness. So your tweet was well appreciated.

I was pretty sure, when I asked you what I should drink on the Twenty Days to Swimsuit Ready diet, that you wouldn't say "vodka" or "red wine". Basically, you're telling me what I already know but don't want to hear -- that I must drink more water. Like most people, I don't drink enough water. In fact, I have a full glass of the stuff that's sitting here, right next to my computer, and it's been here since 7 a.m.

Just can't choke enough of the stuff down. But I'm trying.

Yesterday, which was my first day on your diet, was brutal, let me tell you. Generally, I eat fairly sensibly but I was not ready for a "blenderized" diet unless it involved tequila. Everything was fine until midday when I started to feel pretty sick. I loved the smoothie and the soups, but eating bean dip with carrots rather than a large bag of tortilla chips, well, frankly it blows.

By the time dinner arrived, I was really feeling sorry for myself so I spent the night lying on the couch watching Kevin Costner overwrite yet another movie. (Somebody should tell Kevin that people didn't like Waterworld either.)

Anyway, this morning I dragged myself to the gym and did my usual thirty minutes on the elliptical then dragged myself back home to enjoy a wonderful smoothie made from apples, cinnamon and yogurt. It tasted like apple pie if you took the goo out of the apple pie and threw away the crust. Still, it was delish.

I'm looking forward to the cauliflower soup, which I'll devour in about half an hour.

I must admit, I'm worried. The Queen of Instant Gratification was hoping the scale would move a smidge.

I weighed 217 yesterday and I still weigh 217 today.

Scott says he's lost two pounds.

Bastard.

Maybe I'll put a jalapeno in his smoothie tomorrow.

Your friend in pain and suffering, Rosalita.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

  Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder.  Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a  head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in.   That'...
9 comments
Read more

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...
38 comments
Read more