Dieting with the devil

Dear Harley:

Some experts advise that a person who is dieting should have a partner to share the pain. I disagree with this idea.

I love my husband, but I hate being on a diet with him. First, he can lose 20 pounds in a day blinking and it takes me a year to lose five pounds going to the gym nearly every morning.

He says it's because he has more weight to lose; I think he's just being diplomatic and that he's internally rubbing his intestines together in glee.

That's just my thinking. He's not that competitive. He loves me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but the whole situation just pisses me off.

But that's not the only reason I loathe doing the twin diet.

I may be an obsessive-compulsive, who counts each morsel of food going down the gullet, but at least I don't cheat on my diet. I'm a perfectionist and believe if I stray in any way, I will gain ten pounds.

Now don't get me wrong.

It isn't that Scott is sneaking cookies and beer. Nah-uh. He does the opposite.

He eats less. Or should I say, he drinks less, this being a blenderized diet regime.

You have laid out a plan, in the 20 Days to Swimsuit Ready Diet, that requires we fools to consume five blenderized meals a day: a smoothie for brekks, two snacks and soup for lunch and dinner. Because Scott hates a lot of the recipes, he choses to eat -- or drink -- three meals. Meaning, he has a smoothie, then takes a snack for a full day of work, then has soup for dinner. No second snack. No second soup.

This is insane, I tell you. Even Dr. Bernstein gives you more food than that.

What is he a friggin' camel?

Here's the thing: in his normal routine, usually, the man forgets to eat breakfast, then doesn't eat lunch or a snack. Then he comes home and eats a meal for six, has a couple of ice cream bars and three beers. And a scotch. It is the reason he is weighing in at 270 pounds most days -- I know it, he knows it.

And yet, he can also go on this diet which 1,250 calories on a good day and only consume 800 calories.

He's not up yet, but by crackie, I'll bet he's lost 10 pounds before he poops. This can't be healthy.

Not sure what to do. Perhaps you can advise.

Your friend, Rosalita.