Juno Schmoono

Do you ever feel like a stranger in your own land?
It's like you've decided to join a converation and everyone else is speaking Esperanza. Or Pig Latin and you're the pig.
That's how I feel about the whole Junos thing taking place in Ottawa this week.
I was just listening to Ottawa Morning on CBC Radio and the ahts reporter was breathlessly reciting the names of all the acts who will be in town, acts I could "catch".
I'd only heard of one band and that's MonkeyJunk. I've only heard about MonkeyJunk because Scott and I did a documentary on the Ottawa Bluesfest ten years ago and we met Tony D. and Steve Marriner and they somehow came together to make a band.
And gave it a cool name.
The Junos is like a foreign film festival to me. And I'm the foreigner.
It's the same thing with the Geminis. I've tried to watch the Geminis -- maybe the Genies, I'm not sure, I get mixed up -- and I can't name one movie which has been nominated.
As a result, I don't see those movies.
Same with the Junos. I don't know anybody, so why should I abandon my cocoon?
I suppose I could throw caution to the wind and get out and see some of these bands.
Maybe I'd find someone very special, a singer-songwriter who would open my heart and blow my mind.
But I don't want to.
I only like to see bands whose music I've heard.
Like Lady Gaga or Adele.
Not Deadmau5.
It used to be that you could hear Canadian bands on the radio, then go see them.
But there are so many stations, so many specialty channels that I get mixed up.
And so I put on Springsteen.
Because I know Springsteen.
I've never put on Deadmou5 or The One Eyed Snake.
Nor will I ever.
Call me intractable.
And come Juno night, I'll be watching Shameless.