Skip to main content

The Girl Who Peed Herself


Funny how the body goes.
For years, I've resisted the siren call of aisle three at PharmaPlus. It was too scary. It had the strange smell of menthol mixed with baby powder.
But Friday, I'd had enough.
The products in the girly section just weren't up to the challenge.
For a couple of weeks, I've had an annoying little tickle in my throat which has resulted in a kind of urinary malfunction. Meaning, every time I coughed, I peed myself.
I've had this condition before, all through ten excruciating years of perimenopause, but since my taps went dry and I began to exercise daily, I've had no trouble with my bladder whatsoever.
The cough brought the issue back with a vengeance.
Ladies' wear did nothing to stem the tide, and so I found myself circling the incontinence aisle.
First thing I spotted was a man of about 80 inspecting all the various products: the diapers, the adult underwear. So I went to check my blood pressure and mercifully by the time I returned, he had gone.
So I bought my first pack of Poise.
Because Kirstie Alley and Whoopie Goldberg are speaking on their behalf. The hip oldsters are not ashamed, as Whoopie says, "of a little spritz".
So I tried on my first pair on Friday night.
Wanted to be confident to go to the bar to celebrate Scott's birthday.
Wanted to know that if I walked home, I wouldn't be standing in puddles by the time I arrived at my doorstep.
Like maxipads, they aren't the prettiest and they are sort of, well, hefty.
Definitely not for the thong brigade.
At my age who cares? I gave up on fashion undies when I gave up panty hose.
Truth be told, they work like stink.
Fortunately, the bladder condition has dissipated along with the cough.
But I still have the giant pack of pink pants in the cupboard just in case.
Because a girl never knows.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

  Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder.  Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a  head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in.   That'...

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...