Skip to main content

To my husband on his 14th birthday


Scott turns 14 tomorrow.

He doesn't look a day over 45.

He's pretty big for his age, standing six foot two and he can drink any 16 year old under the table. And he has a lot of experience in other areas we won't get into.

Scott was born on Leap Day, induced by a chain smoking, hard living family doctor who wanted to get away for a golfing vacay a few days early. He was born in the deep chill of St. Boniface, Manitoba to Margaret and Warner Troyer, the second son of, oh, thousands.

It's always delighted Scott that he had a special birthday, one that only comes around every four years, so I'm feeling the need to plan something special for the occasion. Sure on Friday, there'll be much beer drinking, oh yes there will, when we gather at Liam McGuire's with some friendly faces.

But tomorrow, we must plan something unique, in line with his official status as 14-year-old. Here's what I'm thinking.

9 a.m. Breakfast at McDonald's, something McGriddled and greasy. Sorry, Scott you're too old for a Happy Meal; you'll have to settle for something manly with sodium levels to rattle the bones of the folks at the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

10 a.m. Chill in front of the Quickie next door. Try to find an adult to buy us smokes, which we will then share with all the other 14-year-olds standing out in front. Maybe a couple of 11-year-olds.

11:30 Go over the Hillcrest High School to score some weed. Man, are we gonna get wasted!

12 p.m. Troll the mall, skateboard a bit, litter, then try to score some hooch at the LCBO. Get chased down the street by Andre, the LCBO giant.

Shit.

12:30 Lunch at Pizza Pizza. A coupla slices and some hot wings.

1 p.m. Back to the LCBO where Scott, on a dare, goes in to buy beer. Andre looks at him and doesn't even card him!

1:12 p.m. Lining up at Laserquest with Stef, Nick and the gang. We were thinking paint ball but Scott would have to explain why he had gigantic bruises all over his face when he goes back to work.

4 p.m. KFC, I'm thinking something with the phrase "extreme termination" in it. Slide on over to Taco Bell for tacos for dessert.

Me quiero Taco Bell!

5 p.m. A road trip to EB Games to find the latest and goriest video game in existence, which also involves girls with cone shaped hooters. Something with extreme termination in the title.

5:30 p.m. Chillin' in front of the PS3, leftover pizza, a few brew and a couple of splifs.

6 p.m. Scott passes out in the Lazy Boy, controller still in hand.

Midnight. Scott wakes up to save the world all over again.

I think this is going to be the 14th birthday, ever!

Even better than four years ago when I threw him a Bar Mitzvah.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Lynn2 March 2012 at 13:24

    Hilarious! Hope you all had a happy February 29th.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ashley Simpson: Don't Let Her Die in Vain

  Six years ago, I was combing through my Facebook and I saw post from my cousin Julie Major. Her brother and his wife were frantically looking for their daughter Ashley who just days before had Facetimed her mom saying she was planning to return to her home in Niagara. Ashley never made it home. She was murdered in cold blood in her home in Salmon Arm then buried in a nearby field. It would be five and a half years before her body was located, and her boyfriend was charged with second degree murder.  Today, Ashley's urn has a sacred spot in her parents' home, and Derek Favell is in jail awaiting trial by judge and jury. The trial is expected to go into next year sometime. This has been an agonizing journey for Ashley's friends and family. The pain has never stopped, and the wounds are broken open every time the family has to sit through a series of pre-trial proceedings. Fortunately, this ordeal will end but the pain will never wane for the people, including me, who have b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ashley Simpson: A Father Remembers

I have asked Ashley Simpson's family and friends to give us a glimpse into the life she lived before going missing nearly a month ago. Here is how her father John remembers his sweet girl. Ashley was a treat when she came into this world, a smashing 9lbs 8 ounces with a  head full of hair and nails that needed to be clipped. She has made many friends in her journey of life and continues to make them as we speak. She has made this world a better place by her love of mankind and this place we call Earth; unfortunately this life she has lived hasn't been the best for her. She has suffered through unbearable pain and suffering through her menstrual cycles. She has cysts on her ovaries that make those 10 days a living hell. She had one of her ovaries removed when she was just 14; the other they won't take out till she is 40 or older. Years of hell for my Ashley. I so feel her pain every month but she doesn't quit, doesn't give in.   That'...
9 comments
Read more

What Bell isn't telling you about Fibe TV

Update: This week, we switched back to Rogers after spending far too long using Bell's crappy television service. For those with Bell, read and weep. For those considering Bell, think twice even if you hate Rogers. RS I've always been an early technology adapter. I had a Betamax. That tells you everything (if you're over 50 at least). My first computer was a "Portable". It weighed 40 pounds and I had to lug it around town on a gurney. I've been through probably 15 computers in my lifetime. Apple is the best. It's also too expensive so I have a piece of shit HP, the one I'm writing this blog on. I've had cable, internet and now Netflix. American Netflix . That's how far ahead of the curve I am. I get all the newspapers for free. How? I disabled my cookies so they can't track me when I'm on the newspaper sites. Even the New York Times hasn't cottoned on to that trick. Hahaha. That will be a fifty buck consulting fee. Bein...
38 comments
Read more