Rose's Cantina

I have one of those weird lives. The shoe is always dropping but we somehow manage to find another covering for the foot. A couple weeks ago, an old friend offered me a quick job which, thankfully, came along to save Christmas. This happens every year. Last year, a follower of this blog came to my rescue with a generous donation. Other years, we've gotten small contracts that pay off the mountain of bills accumulated during the dry times, put presents under the tree for the family and sponsor the annual turkey. Along the way, we've tried to make our own luck, but it isn't easy. Scott sells cars for a living and thanks to that Grinch, Jim Flaherty and his little elf Stephen Harper, there aren't many public servants who can afford Subarus these days. Me, I've been out of work since May. So we're juggling a number of shoes this year. We are in the precarious situation of having to make an end of life decision for our beloved Gordie who will soon join...

   It's not yet December and already the dogs have cabin fever. And I am starting to resemble Jack Nicholson in the Shining. This little nugget -- look how cute she is hiding under the sofa -- has just destroyed Scott's boots. She's also shedding, as you can see, and has hidden an entire roll of toilet paper under the sofa. Yesterday, I was working on a deadline, trying to get an article written, and I heard a weird slurping noise. Upon investigation, I found Sophie eating the Bag Balm. Don't know what Bag Balm is? It's that vaseliney stuff that farmers use for cow teets when they become chapped. I use it for Gordie's nose. Sophie uses it to get high. After she ate the Bag Balm, she tore around the house like Rob Ford on a Friday night. Man's she's stressing me out. Finnigan is being an absolute asshole, barking incessantly, menacing me as I try to shovel snow from the stoop. Scott got mad at me when I threatened to take the shovel and pu...

Rob and Doug Ford have just announced they are bringing Crazytown to YouTube as a series. It's entitled Ford Nation, but I have another name for it. Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The pair are aiming for world domination. They think they can win the next election by recording their antics as some kind of reality show. They'll spew conservative values. They'll show all the best tourist spots for crack heads. They'll improve the bottom line of the LCBO. Be very, very afraid.  

You don't have to watch the clip below. Just show it to your children. Demonstrate to them that we live in a democracy with a highly effective system of government. We have a Senate that provides a unique check on the government, a sober second thought if you will, to make sure that the duly elected Members of Parliament don't do something stupid. And we have a government that provides clear answers whenever confronted by a scandal or a mistake. Show your children that we can count on The Stephen Harper Government to act, on behalf of Canadians, in a dignified manner during Question Period. Civics Lesson 101. Paul Calandra is an asshat.  

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net (sharrongoodyear) Okay, so here's the thing. My lovely daughter Marissa is getting married and I can't pay for the wedding. She and Jeff are doing their best to put the funds together. They're moving the venue to the Dominican Republic to save money. And they'll pull it off. Of course they will. I didn't raise Marissa to give up on her dreams. But I'd love to help her along the way. I'd like to keep the wedding here in Ottawa and let them have a stress free honeymoon. And, let's face it, I'm not looking forward to the Twinrix vaccine. But I'm broke. I'm unemployed. And I'm seriously stressed. In my effort to be a nosey, buttinski, I am developing a web series called Monster of the Bride. We're going to beg, borrow and steal -- well not steal -- to raise the money to give my daughter the perfect day. I've already got sponsors -- a wedding planner, hairstylist and a skin car...

We were discussing my daughter Marissa's upcoming wedding, scheduled for the Dominican Republic in a year, and she said this. The guys are wearing shorts. And then this. But you can't wear shorts, mum. Oh, she of little faith. How on Earth could she imagine that I would do such at thing? Embarrass her at her own wedding? And you can't wear pants, either. Frankly, I was incredulous. I have not been in a skirt or dress for ten years. Even at my own wedding five years ago, I wore pants. Truth be told, I did look like a waiter from Hy's. I wasn't always this way. Used to have a fashion sense. But ever since I gained, like 50 pounds, I haven't figured out how to dress except to wear pants or the middle aged woman's fashion alternative, capris. I don't have a waist anymore, so I can't fit anything around the middle despite two years working out at the gymnasty. And I can't find a dress that looks good given the fact I have size gazil...

Hello young Canadians. We know that the Senate scandal that threatens the Harper government may be confusing to you. You don't read newspapers. You don't watch the all news channels. We'd like to explain to you, in a way you can best understand, what the Senate Scandal is all about. The yellow figure is Senator Mike Duffy. The others are staff members of the Prime Minister's Office. Please note: The Prime Minister knew nothing about it. Really. A message from the Government of Canada