Monday, 7 March 2016

Goodbye Downton Abbey: Are you really finished?

Unlike most British shows, Downton Abbey has been fun for the whole family. There aren't boobs flying everywhere, no tossing of the salad, no rogering the help from behind. There are no EastEnders sucking down warm beer whilst on the dole.

Everything is respectable in Downton. People get dressed for dinner. They eat with the good china. Even the downstairs help is allowed to dip into Lord Grantham's reserved cellar for a tipple.

The writing is fabulous, the dialogue flawless. Why should we care about the lazy plot points? Or its total lack of continuity?

The stuff doesn't make any sense. Like Into the Woods.

Questions remain.

...There was much made about the illegitimate daughter of Edith, a child named Marigold. Yet the only children seen in the finale were George and Sibby. Is Marigold locked up somewhere? Has she been stolen by the farmer's wife?

...At the beginning of the episode, Anna Bates was roughly eight hours pregnant. By the end of the episode she gave birth. Also at the beginning, Lord Grantham showed off his new puppy. By the end of the episode, roughly eight months later, the puppy was still, well, a puppy.

...Lady Mary spent six years as a flat chested flapper. Yet in just one episode, Lady Mary grew a set of boobs. Did she buy a Mae West vest for the wedding?

...Carson's wife, Mrs. Hughes confronted him about his shaking hands. He admitted that he had "the palsy," an hereditary condition. How is it he spent years serving red wine and never lost a drop, then all of a sudden he crashed the tea cart? Will Mrs. Hughes ask for an annulment on the basis that Mr. Carson will no longer be able to support her?

...Ditto for poor Saint Isobel who was duped into marrying Lord Merton because he had "pernicious anemia". She said, "yes," and all of a sudden he just had anemia. He wasn't dying after all! As with any minor character in Downton, there is no money back guarantee.

...And what of Barrow, whom we have learned to hate over the past six seasons. He lies, he cheats, he SMOKES! But all was forgiven once Carson acquired the shakes. Has the Zebra changed his stripes? Should he be allowed around the children? Where is Marigold anyway?

...CinderRose returned from America (with the permission of Walt Disney Studios) for the marriage of her Wicked Step-Sister, uh, homely cousin Edith. Forgive us for wondering why on Earth anyone would want to marry Edith, the simpering, whimpering sob sister, or her mean-spirited sister Mary, for that matter.

...The marriage of Edith was the major plot point in the piece, and there was a tense build up. Would Bertie man up? Would his mother forgive Edith the Hoe? All things point to disaster, as is usual for Edith. And yet, in the end, she got a reprieve. She was an honest woman after all! How did this happen exactly? Did Lord Grantham offer Bertie's mother a pay off? Did Barrow slip her a mickey? This will keep me up at night.

...Finally, who kidnapped the Dowager? Maggie Smith has been noticeably absent for the last few episodes. Perhaps even she has had enough of Fellowes' ridiculousness. I mean, who in their right mind would expect the Dowager to accept being replaced by her daughter--in-law as hospital board chairwoman? And who would ever expect her to then turn around and reward the family with a puppy who never grows up, apparently.

And, did I forget to ask: what happened to Marigold?

Seriously, Downton, I've loved you for years. You are, indeed, a welcome antidote to the Walking Dead

I will miss you.

Or are you really dead?

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