And now back to the weird and wacky heads of Jian Ghomeshi.
All I can say is, I'm glad I stopped dating before sexting became a thing. I was never good at it, the sexting thing. It always seemed silly to me. Ditto for dating websites that sound like Pit Bull videos.
I was once a woman not unlike the ones who are taking the stand in the Ghomeshi trial. I was fairly successful at hooking up in younger years, and I met a few Ghomeshis. I encountered one or two who liked rough sex, playful rough sex, but I certainly never dated somebody who would punch me in the face. Truth be told, I was usually the one doing the punching if things got out of hand.
I grew up with brothers who regularly beat the crap out of me, and I soon learned how to give it back. Really, I wish all women would learn defensive dating. It would save them a lot of grief.
I can also relate to the letters, and emails. My early years were spent covering rock bands, and I fell for a couple of harp players in my day and I'd follow them around like a puppy even after they tossed me over for a bottle of Jack. As Penny Lane so famously reminded us in Almost Famous, star fucking is an art, but even the masters get their hearts broken.
I'm not curious about why the women wrote those emails. They quite rightly felt, and were, not only rejected, but physically and psychologically abused. They were simply following up, to make sure it was him, not them which it certainly was.
Jian is one sick little puppy, but as we've learned during this trial he's a smart one, an ass-covering one who probably kept his first sicko Valentine from primary school. Now, all that fan mail is being used against the women who considered their actions normal. What girl hasn't sexted a bad boy after he dumped her? Happens all, all, the time.
I'm sure none of these women expected to see their love letters appear in court, up on the screen. I'm sure they might have thought twice if they knew they'd be laughed at in court, and needled by Ghomeshi's hench.
A lot of people, though, have been wondering why Ghomeshi kept emails that are over 13 years old. At first, I considered that he might have kept them, as evidence just in case someone reported him for his sicko past time. Apparently, psychopaths learn quickly to cover their trails. I mean, haven't we all seen Criminal Minds?
I think there something far deeper, and more sinister, at work in the Ghomeshi case. It's my considered amateur psychiatric opinion, that like most serial psychos, Ghomeshi was keeping a treasure trove of trophies, just like Dalmer, and Bundy and Colonel Williams.
Some like panties, some like to keep heads in the freezer; others prefer emails.
A key component of his hunting is for the perp to bring back trophies that he can revisit over and over again on those nights when he's having a pizza party with Ma. He can feign sleep, go to bed early and pour over all the love letters, and the especially cherished ones, the ones where the girls are pleading to get with him again.
If he's keeping them for decades, he must have a shit load of them. Maybe a couple of hard drives' full.
Ah, that Jian must have a rich imaginary life.
That's why he didn't balk at house arrest.
It's Pee Wee's Playhouse!
The trouble, as we've seen with some of these bastards, is that suddenly the fantasies are not enough, and their behavior escalates. Perhaps, if he gets off, he'll go to Australia, where nobody knows him, to resume his radio career or become that country's King of Spain. He picks up a girl in a bar, slugs her, she hits her head, and she's done for. Ooopsie.
Because our system prefers to shame the victims, to ensure there is no reasonable doubt, Ghomeshi will probably only encounter a wagged finger. Maybe he'll get community service, hopefully in a morgue like Lindsay Lohan, not around real people.
In any case, I'm sure he'll resume his hobby in good time.
What? You think if he gets off, he's gonna stop?
That's a good one.
Meanwhile, the brave women who have come forward will be forced to navigate their lives with exploded minds.
And Marie Heinan will have a LifeTime movie made about her. Paid for by Telefilm Canada, in association with Corus and the Movie Network.
Like the People Versus OJ Simpson, the series now running on FX that's all about the lawyers and nothing about the victims.
Life's not fair, is it?
Unless you're Taylor Swift!