Healthy living is all about living in the middle

I've often said that I wanted to be ordinary, to be a "by the book" type of person. I know if I had been that person, I would own a house, be a size 8, and be a success at work.

But like Eminem, I cannot do anything by half-measure. I am a perfectionist who has never learned how to be perfect, and so I live in the land of self-defeat. My entire life is like the rear-view mirror where objects are closer than they appear. I have insight, but I have no God damned perspective.

Take this apple. I bought two of them at the store. They appealed to me like no other apple, and I paid dearly for them. They were $2.50 Cdn ($150 in $US).

When I sat down to eat it, I realized that I had picked an apple that would feed four hungry hounds, and I ended up sharing it with Finnigan. It gave me a stomach ache.

The average diet recommends a person pick an apple the size of her palm. Instead, I picked an apple the size of, well...Sophie's head. Even she was scared by it.

I eat well, really I do. Last night we had shrimp pad thai which would have been a good healthy dish except it was served to me by the Michelin Man in a pasta bowl that would feed at least two people. I ate it all, and ended feeling horrible.

When I go on a diet, I go to the other extreme, and I've paid dearly for it. Last time, I ended up in the hospital with gallstones. Other times, I have simply given up because I've felt weak and defeated.

Adopting a healthy eating plan is like buying a house in Canada. If you live on the right coast, you will be drowned by the ocean or eaten by sharks. If you live on the left coast, your house will fall into the ocean. To be safe, you need to live in the middle.

I have never been able to live in the middle. After nearly 60 years, you'd think I'd learn.


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