Sunday, 15 February 2015

Is Eve Adams "Oakworthy"?

Former Conservative pop tart Eve Adams is working closely with her arm candy, Dimitri Soudas, on a plan that will prove to Oakville Liberals that she is indeed "Oakworthy".

We have learned here, exclusively, that the love birds, who are now being called DimEve by affectionate Liberals, are in talks to put a strip shopping mall on the very site of Dalton McGuinty's failed gas plants as an olive branch to the well-heeled folk whose mansions buffer the stink fest that is Lake Ontario.

The mall will be aptly called All About Eve and will include many exclusive boutiques where Oakvillians can get their hair and makeup done at ridiculous prices and have their cars lovingly washed and detailed using Argon oil and sea sponges while they wait. It's not just for the ladies; there is also a Hair Club for Men!

Eve's campaign headquarters will be run in a prominent piece of real estate in the centre of the mall, proving once again that she is, indeed, the centre of her universe.

"I'm really hoping that some of the other Liberal candidates will come and experience All About Eve," said the candidate herself on a call from a spa in Colorado. "Good, Lord! Have you seen some of those women? They could certainly use a little Botox in their lives!"

Should her bid for office fail, Eve is already planning her next move.

She is in talks with Andy Cohen to produce a Real Housewives of Oakville series which will run on a new specialty channel which will replace the Sun News Network.

"I'm hoping I can do both," Eve chirped over Skype. "I've been a Cabinet Minister, well, sort of, and I know there's lots of down time in those jobs. Justin (Trudeau) has promised me a position that would mean I would have plenty of free time. Something like Health. I'm not really sure. Maybe Revenue. Personally, I'd like National Defence, but he says he doesn't want me near any of those soldiers who are, you know, sick in the head."

As for Dimitri Soudas, he has landed a job in the Parliamentary barber shop shining Liberal shoes and is just waiting for the campaign to get under way.

"I simply can't wait," said Soudas who famously was canned from his job for spending too much time polishing Eve's shoes. "Justin is a remarkable man. He's handsome, he's perky. He's just what the doctor ordered after working for Herr Harper."

Soudas is also writing a tell all book about Stephen Harper entitled, The Devil is in the Details, a work that is planned for a pre-fall election release.

"It's my Valentine to Stephen whom I always considered a father," said Soudas with an uncharacteristic grin. "Daddy Dearest."

And now, this....


1 comment:

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