My son Nick came home yesterday after an exhausting day dealing with jerks and morons who are salivating over the deals they are expecting as Target Canada closes.
"I came up with a good line," he said, whipping off the Target badge that will soon be memorabilia.
"Adults can only be served if accompanied by children."
He and his girlfriend both work at Target. They lost their jobs a couple weeks ago and, in spite of that, are still being good soldiers, showing up on time, not calling in sick.
In turn, Target has rewarded them by giving them work loading and unloading trucks because the heavy lifting staff has been let go. They have been told if they don't show up for work, they'll be let go with no severance. It is, after all, up to Target to determine when the axe will fall on their poor young heads.
Some of the managers at Target walked away with a cool $11,000. Others will get nothing. The worker bees will get nothing except for the scraps they are currently being fed.
They've even had their employee discount cards ripped from their cold dead hands.
Meanwhile, Target shoppers are making things a whole lot worse.
They are lecturing and hectoring the poor staffers, and offering lots of opinions on why Target Canada bit the dust. They are tying up these poor workers with mundane questions about the deals that are available. Word, people, you get 5% off Apple products! A lot of stuff won't be going on sale because the vendors -- people like book writers and sellers -- are taking their merchandise off the shelves lest they be paid fire sale amounts.
The deals will be on the shelves with stickers. Look before you query. Leave the poor staffers alone.
In other words, go ahead, open your wallets but keep your mouths shut.
It could be you, you know, so don't be in such a hurry to abuse the poor people who are too busy liquidating Target to look for jobs.
Jobs? What jobs?
Sears offered to hire some of them in six months, but I believe I heard somewhere that Sears is moving out of Canada.
They can forget about an exciting career in banking, too. Layoffs are happening there, even though the banks are continuing to realize record profits.
The only recourse for many at Target is to go back to school.
And the federal government, Gawd bless it, is giving them that opportunity if they are on EI. That's swell, I suppose, living on scraps in your mother's basement, while taking up some sort of trade that the Harper government deems worthy for you. (Ma, the meat loaf!)
I suppose it's something.
Remember Target shoppers that the close down of this once well-intentioned American giant affects more than the 17,000 people who are out on their asses in a couple of weeks time. It affects people like me who look forward to rent from the youngins living downstairs.
I will be subsidizing them while they go to refrigeration school or while they get diplomas in dirty Harper-supported, environmentally-unsound careers. So I have a stake.
I have to listen to the Target employees crying in the basement.
I have to buy milk for my granddaughter.
I have to give them bus money.
So, please rewind and be kind.
Don't let me come over there.
I'm Nick from Target's mom and I'm packin'.