Put me in coach/I'm ready to play today
Look at me/I can be centerfield
We in the country of Canada are grateful that the addiction experts up in Muskoka were able to patch up Mayor Rob Ford and send him back to civilization.
As he has admitted, he's still blonde and he's still an addict.
Will be for the rest of his life.
But hey, he's dropped a little weight. Look he went to Moore's to buy a few smaller suits.
And he's recognized, finally, that he has a disease.
So, Mayor Ford. Are you a homophobe?
No, that was my disease.
Are you a criminal, cheat and liar?
No, that was my disease.
I've seen the light, brother.
I've seen the light.
We'd like to think that Rob Ford gained insight in that very expensive rehab facility.
He simply found another scapegoat.
Before, he blamed the Toronto Star, or Chief Blair. Now he blames his disease.
To quote Geraldine, the debo made him do it.
Rob Ford learned nothing at rehab.
He's not a changed man.
I've seen a lot of Rob Fords in my time -- a career in journalism and politics will do that -- and they all look the same. Narcissists in shiny suits who are the same dry as drunk. They play the blame game. They deflect. They skate.
We realized after they got sober that they were, in fact, nicer people when they'd had a few drinks.
You could see their soft under belly.
Sure, they did stupid things, like driving drunk, soiling their silk undies, or fornicating on snooker tables/.
Drunk, they were as human as people can get.
Dry, they simply walked around like Howard the Turtle, hiding in that well crafted shell they had built up since childhood.
Rehab does nothing for narcissists. It just gives them different talking points.
What Rob Ford needed was something akin to military bootcamp.
Send him out into the wilderness with Bear Grylls.
Show him how to shit in the woods without somebody else wiping his ass.
Clearly, the root of Rob Ford's problem is not alcohol.
It's his sense of entitlement, carefully nurtured from childhood by his rich family who thought money could buy self-esteem for the fat kid.
It is money, not alcohol, that can be blamed for the Villain Rob Ford. It is money that bought him the bad friends and his first seat on city council. Money that bought the women. Money that allowed Rob Ford to paint outside the lines.
The alcohol just took the edge off.
Drugs merely emboldened him.
The good news is that nobody is buying the new, improved Ford.
Same guy, different suit.
He's like a poorly designed and executed vehicle. He needs to be recalled.
If not, the voters of Toronto will soon be asking for their money back.