Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Rob Ford: Wrecking Ball






Well, it's nice to see that der burgermeister von Toronto, as Mayor Rob Ford is referred to in the German media, is making Canadians proud on the world stage.

His crack-addled nob was featured as the lead on media sites on all continents yesterday after he admitted that he had indeed inhaled when he was roaming the city "in a drunken stupor".  He only did it once, he said.

Once.

And even then he can't remember because he was so "wasted".  He wants Police Chief Blair to release the video so he can see for himself how blotto he was.

I'm sorry your honor, I don't remember smoking crack. I am Absinthe-minded.

A clear-headed Canadian might ask the question: why wasn't he stopped before?

Everybody on the planet has known since May that Ford was a lying, Range-roving addict but not one exorcism was performed.

Why, for example, when the Toronto police had him under surveillance didn't they simply stop him as he was throwing liquor bottles out of his Escalade and breathalyse him? They could have arrested him numerous times, thrown his ass in jail for two months and then he would have had to resign as Mayor. (Apparently, a two month absence from council is the only way to get a nob such as Ford to relinquish the ornate rosary beads that are placed over his head as chief magistrate.)

Apparently, the police saw him as still a small fish. They were waiting for him to morph into a full grown grouper.

I simply cannot understand the political nonsense that is going on in this country. Yesterday, the Senate laid down a hammer on the Three Amigos for "gross negligence with respect to managing their expenses". But it didn't have to come to that.

Why didn't the Prime Minister and his hencepieces take down Pamela Wallin when it first became clear that she was smoking her mother's cigarettes and stealing money from her purse? There were at least three points when she was warned about her expenses but nothing was done. The Prime Minister should have treated her like a teenager and made her take the bus and give back her credit cards.

I wouldn't have worried too much about Brazeau.

Brazeau would have fixed his own problem. Surely, he'll do jail time for laying a can of whoopass on his girlfriend. Why not let the train out of the station and let him forget to put the brake on?

Duffygate could have been solved if the Prime Minister had spent more time overseeing what nuttiness was going on in his office rather than working with Roy McGregor on a hockey book. I have no doubt if Harper found out about the $90k, he would have nixed the deal and let Duffy swing in the wind.

But Harper was too busy jetting around the world and practising the piano. (By the way, he really could use some singing lessons.)

As any parent knows, bad shit happens when you're busy making other plans.

Canadian politics has become ridiculous. We're almost Italian, for Christ's sake.

We need some common sense in this country so we don't risk getting an ass-kicking on Comedy Central.

Where do we go from here?

1. Rob Ford has to pee in a cup every day before he goes to the office.
2. Canada needs to abolish the Senate.

That will be $800,000 plus GST. And I wouldn't mind being a seat warmer in the Senate for the next two years.








 

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