Friday, 22 November 2013

CTV News Channel's Blue Plate Special

 



CTV really hates the Hole in the Wall Gang.

For months now, Bob Fife has been out for blue blood and now he's got his Christmas present early -- Tory platelets spilled all over the Parliamentary Precinct.

As evidence of a CTV vendetta against the Harperites, I present Power Play yarn spinner Don Martin. Remember this? At most places, spewing this kind of venom would have been a firing offence. The piece was quickly yanked, no doubt, because it was lawyered but not before Don eviscerated Mike Duffy, the little nugget who was expelled from his mother's womb in PEI nearly seven decades ago only to make a recent return to claim an unlawful Senate seat.

Thanks to the Power of Youtube, CTV couldn't make Don's diatribe go away. All it could do was take away Don's podium and add a seven second delay.

Bell Media must be awfully happy with Fife and the gang not to mention with Mayor Rob Ford who has added to our viewing pleasure with tales of fine dining and life in the 'hood.

All the scandals, here in Ottawa, there in Toronto, have given new life to the all news channels once the viewing playground of shutins and geriatrics. They've also added to the bottom line of a host of sketchy and dubious commentators who haunt studios all around Ottawa and Toronto collecting their $200 commenting fees and replacing dead air with hot air. (I've often wondered what credentials these people bring to the table. It conjures up Hugh Grant reviewing Julia Roberts' space movie as a writer for Horse and Hound.)

The scandals have made celebrities of backbench MPs, Stella this, and Megan that, and reminded us that the current House of Commons is populated by MPs with the names of cocktail waitresses and strippers. They have lined the pockets of whatever journalists are still making a living on Parliament Hill, all with faces for radio. They have given us Paul Calandra who has become kind of a superstar, something only his pizza slinging parents could have predicted.

And finally, the scandals have transformed Professor Thomas Mulcair into a modern day Atticus Finch. BTW, has anyone seen Justin Trudeau?

The scandals have created a media clusterfuck and watercooler eels cannot look away.

Which should mean that Bell Media advertising reps should be banging on a few new doors. Instead, the lazy loons continue to subject their new viewers to ads still directed at shutins, lonely hearts and geriatrics.

CTV, for example, runs the same damned ads all day long for non-medical life insurance (Let's leave something for the kids when we croak), automobile insurance for those entering their dotage (I saved $347 when I switched to Grey Power), walk in tubs (Safety never felt so good!) and reverse mortgages (There's no credit check and we'll take your house when you die.) Oh yes, and matchmaking ads (God found me my perfect match on Christian Mingle.)

Most of the new audience doesn't need these products. They already have life insurance and perfectly fine bone density. They don't need God to hook them up, either.

I don't think I'm alone here. Whoever is making these ads has no idea who their audience is. Sure, we're getting older but that doesn't mean we're all frail, near-death and so broke we have to put liens on our houses. Besides, the audience for news channels is comprised of smart people. The rest of them are watching reruns of Honey Boo Boo.

Who's writing these ads? Who's greenlighting them, Pat Boone?

If they want to keep the new viewers, the ones who will go back to their iPads once the smell of political flesh dissipates, the news channels had better find products that appeal. Like Prius and Starbucks.

In the meantime, stop insulting our collective intelligence!

 

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