Sunday, 17 November 2013

Hey Baldwins! Come to Ottawa, eh?

Hilaria Baldwin, the wife of actor Alec Baldwin, took to Twitter yesterday to recount the terror she experienced the other day when pursued by the paparazzi.

"Trust me, when you ask someone to leave you alone and they follow you, and encroach on your space, that feels threatening," she wrote, then added. "The news shows what is convenient for their story. They didn't show when (the photographer) approached me with my baby after I politely asked her not to."

This really makes me mad. I told her, in my opinion, these photographers are stalkers who carry heavy and dangerous equipment.

It's fair game, I suppose, for the paps to pursue criminals and bad-deed-doers, people like Simon Cowell. I have no problem with them chasing down the "stars" who actually pay their publicists to promote their whereabouts, people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

But the media should draw the line when it comes to the families of celebrities particularly baby-toting women like Hilaria who is a very nice and peaceful yogini. The only reason she's being chased is because the paps know they can get a rise out of her husband. Hey, he's Irish!

Lots of other celebs live in New York City because New Yorkers give them their space and most of them aren't bothered by paps because they lead quiet boring lives. I mean you never see Kelly Ripa or even Bob De Niro being photographed. A pap couldn't get a dime for a photograph of them.

But guys like Alec Baldwin are pap magnets. They play into the hands of paps by getting their dander up and shouting expletives and slurs that get them (the subjects) into even more trouble.

Last week was a tough one for the Baldwins. Alec's stalker was put away after an emotional court case and you could forgive him for being a bit testy with the photographers. (On behalf of Canadians, I want to apologize for the fact the stalker is Canadian!)

Anyways, as the Royal Family will tell you, there's not much to be done about media stalkers except for moving. George Clooney, Matt Damon, even Sandra Bullock have it right. If you don't want to be photographed you have to move to someplace where they could give a shit about you, the celebrity. Places like Italy or Switzerland or even New Orleans.

So I'd like to make the case for moving to Ottawa.

It is a fine place to raise a family. There are direct flights to NYC and only a short layover in Toronto on the way to Tinseltown.

I'm sure Bell Media wouldn't mind giving Alec a spot to broadcast. Heck, he could even join the lunch bunch on CFRA. Hilaria could teach hot yoga at The Athletic Club, where I work out.

There are plenty of great restaurants here and the Baldwins could have a nice little country retreat at, say, Mont St. Marie where they could golf, go to a spa and teach the little one to ski.

The Baldwins wouldn't have to worry about the paps here.

The media in Ottawa is the laziest in the world. They're not interested in trailing celebrities around when they could be smoking and drinking at Hy's.

The Ottawa media don't care about celebrities. Heck, the only way the prime minister is covered is when he stands up in Question Period and, even then, most of the media watch him on television.

The only time they might be photographed if they go to a Sens game, and only then, they would be shot from a distance. Unless they sat with the prime minister, then they wouldn't be photographed at all.

What's more -- and this is important-- if the paps even tried to chase Hilaria and her baby, they would be shut down by the good citizens of Ottawa. We would not stand for this kind of behavior. Perpetrators would be held down. Police would be called.

Canadians recognize that people are entitled to live their lives. We are the home of peace and good government.

So come on up, Baldwins. We'd love to have you.

Excuse me for bothering you and have a nice day.

 

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