Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Tourists: Please don't feed the university students

As with any country, Canada has its own dirty secrets.
The seal hunt. The Senate.
Don Cherry.
As your new intrepid Ottawa tourism investigator, I want visitors to be warned about a disturbing problem of abuse akin to the old side shows. Each day from the middle of June, countless young men and women are abused in a public display that is designed to ridicule them and make money for the government.
This practice has been going on for decades.
As in some other twisted cultures, this activity is actually sought out by job hungry youngsters.
If they are chosen, they subjected to Hunger Games like ordeals that involve recycled Canadian animals and precious metals.
Then they are put on display for tourists.
It is hard not to look away.
I've witnessed the carnage and it is absolutely horrendous.
Sometimes, these poor souls find themselves carted away in ambulances. Mostly, they are given smelling salts made from beaver tail extract.
I am speaking, of course, about the Changing of the Guard on Parliament Hill.
University students are made to wear winter-like red serge and wear hats the size of toddlers.
Then they are made to march long distances and stand in front of a rich person's house for hours in 30 degree heat.
Please, do not support this government sanctioned activity.
It is not good for young people to be tortured this way.
It screws with them mentally.
Eventually, they grow up to be politicians or worse -- investment bankers.


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