Tuesday, 7 May 2013

The Juice Cleanse: Liver Appreciation Week

I'm proud of getting off the blood pressure medication.
But it also has had a negative side effect.
Since losing the BPM, I've gained 10 pounds.
The reason is simple. If you have BPM, you have to take water pills.
Water pills significantly reduce the bloat.
Now I'm up two pant sizes.
So it's back to the drawing board.
I've been sweatin' to CNN daily for years now, but all that gym activity has done absolutely nothing to reduce my weight. Truth be told, the gym has made me heavier. It's also given me a Kim Kardashian tussie.
Now I don't mind the bubble butt. For years, I've prayed for even a little piece of ass. Genetically, a bubble butt was never in the cards. I come from a long line of flat asses. Genetically, I also come from a line of women blessed with spare tires. It's like wearing a belt of unleavened bread.
So I have been looking for a solution.
I was watching Dr. Oz last week, and he did a week of shows about cleanses designed to reboot the metabolism and give a shout out to the poor under-appreciated liver. Like most people, I have been a bitch to my liver. I've never respected it and filled it with toxins and some very nice full bodied wine.
I've decided to give it a little payback with Liver Appreciation Week.
That is why I'm going on a juice fast.
I've done this before. A couple years back, I purchased a Breville Juicer, which is kind of like a wood chipper except it's for fruit and veg and not criminals or trees.
Yesterday, I dug through the cupboard and found its many parts.
Then I went out and harvested twelve acres of kale, six bushels of apples and a peck of peppers.
And that's only for the first day!
This morning, I treated myself to a carrot, apple and ginger smoothie. Two hours from now, I will be feasting on some sort of kale and cucumber concoction. Later there will be gaspacho and a beet root tumble. That should make my poop look like a scene from Call of Duty!
Juicing is actually a lazy girl's cleanse.
The biggest chores are the grocery shopping and cleaning out the juicer -- oh, and getting the beet juice out of my hair when I forget to put in the plunger!
What's great about juicing is that you don't have to peel anything. You just toss all the produce in the blender, peels and all, and you are good to go.
I've done these cleanses before and they're great. They basically give all your digestive organs a vacation for their problems, meaning they don't have to work very hard.
Well, here goes.
If you want to see who whipped up this cleanse, take a gander at this video.
Joe Cross is an Aussie who did a walkabout in the United States looking for all manner of trees and bark to juice. It's worth watching the whole movie!


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