Saturday, 25 May 2013

Hashtag: Doug Ford

I read in the Globe and Mail this morning that Doug Ford was a hash dealer back in 1980.
A refrain of an old song went through my head.

Those were the days my friend, I thought they'd never end.
We'd sing and dance for ever and a day.

I didn't smoke a lot of hash in 1980 but I did smoke my share.
It was during my rock and roll days when I was a music reviewer for the Ottawa Citizen and I was tooling around in my bright white bowling alley car, sometimes ferrying musicians over to Hull where we would get wasted, then roll home to sleep for 12 hours.
I only got arrested for drunk driving once -- another story entirely -- and I only snorted cocaine once, but I did do it. I remember vividly being high on coke, sitting on a Go Train and feeling my throat swell up. I also spent six hours at a Tim Horton's.
For a time during that period, I might have been fashioned as a drug dealer, though I like to think of it as being a purveyor of organic substances that were provided to me by one of the boys in the band. Needless to say, I was a hit around the Press Club in those days.
My husband Scott also has a few stories to tell about his disco years. Like the time he smuggled cocaine into the People's Republic of China zipped into the collar of his leather jacket. Or the time he shared a farmhouse with a drug dealer named Ihor.
I'm neither proud nor ashamed of my younger self just as I don't hold it against my kids that they were caught shoplifting or were found sleeping under a bridge near the canal. It's part of growing up for some of us. For some, it's a badge of honor.
In any event, I'm not that person anymore. I no longer drink and drive, or drug myself into oblivion. Neither does Scott.
We were just mixed up kids with nothing better to do with our time.
Reading this story about Doug Ford reminded me of those times.
I thought, boy he must have been one popular dude. The Globe story gives new meaning to the word "hash tag" -- tag you're it Dougie Wougie. The story notes that Doug Ford was never arrested for purveying substances; it simply paints him as kind of a rich fattie kingpin in the hood.
I didn't really get the point of it, other than to smear the guy.
It has nothing to do with his bro the Mayor of Toronna, who apparently didn't have anything to do with the drug nonsense, who instead spent most of his time in a Chris Farleyesque farce, trying to run a mile in his fat suit hoping to make the football team.
The story has been researched for two years and was only printed in today's paper, supposedly, because John Stackhouse felt he had to run it eventually, given all the money he paid the reporter and freelancer. Also, I suspect, he's feeling a little low that the Globe didn't get the scoop on that video which nobody has seen in which young Rob is hoisting a pipe to his lips and calling Justin Trudeau "a fag".
There doesn't seem to be a connection between the Somali drug dealer video and Doug Ford's past as a purveyor of substances. Doug wasn't selling crack cocaine, just hash, which was awesome in 1980. I don't think he hurt anybody, although there is some pretty nasty stuff revealed about his sister nearly getting her face blown off, but I'm not sure Dougie had anything to do with that either.
Cut to the chase, Rose. Okay, I'm getting there.
Rob Ford is a fucking weird buffoon who has some pretty nasty issues with the booze and most likely the crack. He probably shouldn't have been elected Mayor of Toronto because he's an asshole.
But this whole Rob and Doug Mackenzie dance the media is doing is bordering on bullying.
Just because a guy is fat and a buffoon and an embarrassment to the elite in Toronto doesn't mean he has to be used as a punching bag and punchline.
The people of Toronto elected his sorry ass.
And that is their problem.
They also elected Doug Ford who has never been charged with any crime.
In fact, Doug Ford seems like a pretty honorable guy. A standup.
He practically weeps while defending his brother. You have to admire the loyalty.
Back to Rob Ford.
If Rob Ford is guilty of a crime other than being a first class asshole and buffoon, then he should be prosecuted in a court of law. If he has a substance abuse problem, call in Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil, and let's get him better.
It'll be a changing day in your life, Rob.
Seriously dudes, you can't make someone go to rehab.
He'll get there eventually or be locked up by the constabularly in the GTA.
That my friends is a certainty.
Meanwhile, the media circus is a distraction. It keeps the mayor from doing his job.
And that is the media's fault, not his.
Show us the evidence, or get a life.
There have been too many column inches devoted to this nasty business.
Let's have detente.
And get Toronto back to work.


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