For years, I made tens of dollars writing about fashion for the Ottawa Citizen.
I've even appeared as a model in the same newspaper.
But I have a secret.
I am a terrible dresser.
Terrible. I'm saying terrible.
Yoga pants by winter, cargoes by summer.
I'm Laura Petrie except fatter and with boobs.
I have ill-fitting t-shirts from places I have never visited, courtesy of Value Village.
About twenty of them.
Ten pairs of guy's gym shorts.
Sneakers, morning, noon and night.
Sue me, I'm a shut-in.
My fear of fashion is well known to my friends.
Donna Andrew is blunt about it.
She once referred to me as the Fashion Anti-Christ.
And now, I am firmly in the sights of fashion expert Tim Gunn, whom I revere and adore.
Tim told ABC News recently that the worst fashion faux pas is wearing capris pants.
There goes the neighborhood!
I have 12 pairs in different colors, including a pair of cargo capris, which Tim considers a fashion crime.
I feel the urge to purge.
Unfortunately, if I get rid of the capris, my closet will be empty.
As a public service, ladies and gentlemen, Tim Gunn.