Newspaper Reporter is the worst job in America

In its annual job survey, CareerCast.com reported that the worst job in America is being a newspaper reporter. I am reporting this as a public service for all those graduating journalism students from my alma mater, Carleton University.

Good luck in your new career.

Then again, how could that possibly be? What about crime scene clean-up crews, janitors, school teachers? Why is the newspaper reporter the worst job?

"Ever-shrinking newsrooms, dwindling budgets and competition from Internet businesses have created very difficult conditions for newspaper reporters, which has been ranked as this year's worst job," says CareerCast.com.

"Consumers can access online news outlets almost anywhere thanks to technological advancements, which are threatening the existence of traditional print newspapers. As a result, the number of reporter jobs is projected to fall 6% by 2020, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), while average pay is expected to continue its decline.

 

"And for those still employed as reporters, the job's demands are all-consuming."

Who is doing this research? Being a newspaper reporter is an awesome job. Awesome. The best.

I think the research was corrupted by the subjects themselves. Many who are attracted to this noble profession are first-class complainers. Whiners to the nth degree. I think, in fact, cynicism is a prerequisite for employment in newspapers.

It's true, newspaper reporters aren't on television. But they also don't have to stand outside in a hurricane. They just have to look out of their hotel rooms and interview people on their Smart phones.

Newspaper reporters get to do cool stuff, like go to fires and meet celebrities. They get backstage passes. They get to interview some of the world's most interesting individuals.

Like Chris Hadfield. Or Richard Simmons!

The days are never the same. Unless you are a Parliament Hill reporter, and for that you should be entitled to assisted suicide.

The trouble is that once a person enters a newsroom, he or she gets corrupted and brainwashed by the old crew, the ones who are clinging to their computers by their nicotine stained falanges, the ones who are still wearing the same double knit slacks from the 70s paired with shirts stained with Subway. And that's just the copy editors in their 40s.

There are drawbacks to the job, for sure. Like being told to "fuck off" on a regular basis by bozos like Rob Ford. But that's also a positive because as a newspaper reporter YOU HAVE THE LAST WORD. The reporter can feel free to fuck over a subject as long as it's triple sourced!

No, I think the survey was flawed. I think the reporters surveyed mistook "worst" for "hardest".

It's not an easy job standing on a picket line at 6 a.m. or having a door slammed in your face. But for every day of drudge there's a day when a reporter finds herself on the front lines of history.

And that, my friends, makes it the best job.

All I can say is if those reporters don't like their jobs, they should just get the hell out. Take a package and leave these incredible jobs for the new kids on the block. Give them a chance to get cynical.

And I have news for the complainers.

Try being an unemployed newspaper reporter, then tell me you have the worst job.