Saturday, 9 March 2013

Rumors of my demise

For those of you concerned about my mental health, I have one word: chill.
It's true I've been a bit down in the dumps of late, and have chosen to go a bit dark with my wordsmithing in this space. I have good reason.
I'm contemplating ending the life of my Jurassic Pug, Gordon J. Blackstone because he's got some health problems.
I just lost my job this week. Scott's only working part-time, so we're going to have to do some juggling.
And I'm going for a mammogram on Friday because the radiologist thought he saw something six months ago.
Yeah, all in all, it's been a pretty tough few months.
But this is the life of a middle aged freelance writer. It's the only life I've known since my husband up and left me two decades ago with three small children. I lurch from crisis to crisis, chase the phantom job that will one day allow me to go to the dentist and juggle a ball or three.
I'm used to it.
But I'm not a depressive person by nature. While I'm not a glass is half full person by nature, I'm a realist. It's more like I live a half and half life.
Besides, it gives me good material for this blog.
The good news is that it doesn't take much to make me happy. I can live on next to nothing. I go to First Choice to get my haircut instead of a fancy schmansie salon where it costs sixty bucks to get the ends trimmed. I watch Kitchen Nightmares instead of going to posh restaurants. And I'm still wearing Value Village golf shirts I bought a decade ago.
Here's the thing. On a day like today, when the sun is shining and the snow is melting, my heart overflows with happiness. Today, I will feel the sun on my face as we walk the hounds. I will savor the feel of the sweat dripping down my brow at the gymnasty. And we will eat a nice and wonderful dinner of Scott's making while watching some bad television.
Often I hear the baby Skylar crying in the basement and it makes me smile. That lovely little girl is the light of my life, with her blue eyes sparkling, and her wispy hair starting to curl just so. I get the benefit of that light without having to do any of the heavy lifting. Being a grandma rocks!
And of course, I have my wonderful kids and Scott, who is my rock.
Ten years we've lived together, even worked together, and we always have something to talk about. He is the one who picks me up and dusts me off when I'm feeling blue.
At this age, as I watch some of my friends bury their spouses, I sometimes think I'm the luckiest girl on the planet.
Money and jobs are incidental.
Dogs come and go.
But as long as I have love in my life, the bad stuff rolls off.
Not always, but mostly.
So thanks for your calls and concern. I love to hear from friends from long ago who read my blog and live this weird life along with me. I am gratified for your donations to this blog.
And I am confident that things will get better.
They always do.

In the meantime, turn your clocks back, homies. It's spring!

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