Bobby Orr turns 65 this week.
Another one of my schoolgirl crushes is becoming a pensioner.
This does not fill me with great joy.
It reinforces the fact that I'm getting old myself.
That's not the worst of it.
Ilya Kuryakin turns 80 this year. Ditto Michael Cain.
Robert Redford is 77.
I pride myself on being young minded. Many people think I'm much younger.
Because I'm immature and I have a potty mouth.
But deep inside, I know the truth.
I'm crushing on seniors now.
I take blood pressure medication.
I actually bought my own blood pressure cuff at Costco this week.
I watch CTV News at Noon.
I know how reverse mortgages work and I'm thinking of getting one of those tubs that Pat Boone is selling.
If only I could find someone to crush on who isn't a geriatric time bomb.
Like Ryan Seacrest.
Or Matthew Perry.
But they're kids.
And I'm no pedophile.
Besides, being menopausal, I have low hormones, therefore I have lost my sex drive.
Fifty Shades of Grey comes in a box with gloves and conditioner.
Oh well, Bobby Orr still looks pretty good to me.
And David McCallum still rocks my world.
Seventy is the new 50.
Sixty is the new 40.
Old guys are still hot.
As long as they come packing.
Viagra, that is.