Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Max out the Visa: Oprah's coming to Ottawa!!!!!

I'm so excited that Oprah Winfrey is leaving one of her mansions to come to Ottawa to impart her wisdom on we lesser humans. I wonder if Gayle is coming.

I can't wait for later this week to pay 300 dollars in advance for the privilege of being in her aura.

It will be an ah-ha moment for a lot of women who will sneak in, not wanting their husbands to know. Neighbors across the city will be pointing figures "Ah ha, I knew I'd see you here!"

I bet Pam Wallen will be there.

On Senate expenses.

I really feel sorry for the poor fans who would have to skip groceries for the month to see her.

All those women who faithfully watched her for twenty years on the tube. They should have followed Suze Orman's advice. Tch Tch Tch.

Guess Oprah doesn't do poor.

Oprah in person. Wowwee, kazawee.

Much more powerful than seeing her on the Oprah Winfrey Network which a lot of people can't get with basic cable.

But Oprah in person...I can't wait to bask in her glow. Maybe she'll lay on hands.

Give me that secret to the success I've been praying to Maya Angelou for.

What orange dress will she be wearing? Will it be shabby chic bought from her beloved Target? Or Dior? I don't think she can fit into Dior. They don't make the asses big enough.

Will her hair be bouffant or curly? A wig, surely not.

Will the angel wear Prada shoes or Pay-less?

I'm told there will be no special guests.

No Dr. Phil. Or Doctor Oz. No Ilanya. Or Tommy Hanks.

No Eckardt Tolle or James Fry.

Just Oprah in all her glooooow.

What will we get for our three hundred bills?

I'm guessing there will be no favorite things.

But sure as shootin' we'll be able to buy a lot of Oprah SWAG.

Magazines, books, inspirational videos.

We won't be getting a car.

Or an Oprah Snuggie. At least not for free.

Just the key to God's Kingdom which I hear is somewhere on Chicago's Magnificant Mile.

But you will only get the keys if see Oprah. Otherwise you won't get in.

There's a list.

And a bouncer. Michael Clarke Duncan. Shh! Don't tell anyone. He just got there.

With Oprah's blessing.

Can't wait.

Oh no! I don't have three hundred bucks.

Have to pay the rent.

Get the puppy spade.

I guess I'll just have to settle for standing along the Queensway, waving at her limo.

OOOOOOPRAH! I love  you.

Yeah, right.

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