I like the HBO show Girls about a group of twenty-somethings exploring the complicated worlds of sex, money and work.
I like it better than Sex in the City.
I could never relate to Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte.
I was never pretty or skinny or rich.
I was Lena Dunham.
Dunham has been hailed as the next Woody Allen and villified as a dirty little pudgy girl who spends too much time with her boobs hanging out.
I wouldn't go quite so far as leveling up Dunham against the Woodster.
But I do understand and appreciate what the fuss is all about.
Dunham speaks to all the insecurities that girls -- and women -- have when they are first starting out in the world. Her stories are in the present tense, but they certainly aren't new.
Every girl has a woulda, coulda, shoulda in her closet.
Some of us old broads have done the walk of shame more than once.
We're not the Red Hat Society, that's for sure.
Just call our behavior Past Imperfect.
So even though I am decades older than her -- and am at least as old as her mom -- I can relate.
I've done all that stupid shit and more.
On a personal note...
I've had bad sex with strange men more than a few times. I've had an STD and an abortion.
Not to mention a couple of urinary tract infections.
I took cocaine and immediately regretted it.
I let a guy take inappropriate pictures of me. Thank goodness it was before the Internet.
I've taken my top off in public.
I've stalked a lot of guys over the years over the telephone and driving by their houses. Many, many times.
I dated a homosexual. Maybe two. One for sure.
When I tried the straight and narrow, the marriage thing, as one of the Girls did the last few episodes, I failed miserably. I've been divorced. Twice.
Professionally, I've had a lot of dead-end jobs, been sexually harassed, did some nasty things to people to get ahead, gossiped and spread terrible rumors about people.
Called my bosses bitches more than once behind their backs.
Got fired three times.
Got depressed about work and dove under the covers at least once, maybe twice, every decade.
The only thing I haven't done that Lena's girls have done is use a butt plug.
I had to look that one up.
So all you haters can just screw yourselves.
I bet you've all done at least one bad or inappropriate thing in your life, especially if you're a girl.
Come on. Remember that weekend in Vegas?
Or that frat party where you found yourself waking up under a table?
Well damn child, you haven't lived.
To be happy, you have to be sad first. To be successfully rich, you have to live broke.
And definitely, to find a prince you have to kiss a few frogs.
Don't you enjoy being a Girl?