Sunday, 6 January 2013

What you missed in the Globe and Mail

For those of you who have already hit The Globe and Mail paywall -- and it's only six days into the month -- I am happy to provide you with an analysis of the print edition this weekend
First, Julian Fantino is an insensitive, uninformed twat.
The International Cooperation Minister apparently stunned the Haiti higher-ups during an interview with La Presse after he announced he was going to freeze new aid projects earmarked for the embattled little nation.
It was also news to his own department apparently.
The former top cop says he is tired of the "slow progress" being made in Haiti.
How long does it take to rebuild a country shattered by a major Earthquake? It's been two years!
"Are we going to take care of their problems forever?" asked Mr. Sensitivity.
On to the next item.
The hunger strike by Theresa Spence.
In its lead editorial, The Globe and Mail suggests that the Chief, who has been striking for weeks to get a face-to-face with Emperor Harper, should get over herself. The Prime Minister has announced he is now willing to sit down with native leaders.
What more does she expect?
Cheek wrestling?
I think she's smart. She knows that Harper has just agreed to the meeting to shut her pie hole.
Spence has been to enough of these gas bag meetings to know that the feds are stalling.
Maybe Julian Fantino can be put in charge.
"Aboriginal people can't expect us to take care of them forever!"
Onto a long blorging interview with Dr. Chris Mazza, the megalomaniacal doc who single-handledly allowed Ontario's air ambulance service to crash and burn while he collected a few mil for his efforts.
Don't blame me, he says. I now have to live in a condo.
We should all have such problems.
Next item. Olivia Chow has announced she is a victim of some sort of frozen face affliction. Her inability to smile has nothing to do with Tom Mulcair`s leadership, apparently.
If the news section wasn't bad enough, the lifestyle section made me nearly hurl my brekkies this morning.
First, Leah McLaren, the Canadian ex-pat writer who got into shit for using her column to try to sell her house, wrote yet another master class piece comparing herself to Kate Winslet.
Then the food writer tried to get us to make some dish with pork jowls. Blech.
Then there was a breathless interview with Allison Williams from the HBO series Girls.
The piece began badly, as these things often do, with interviewer and potential stalker Johanna Schneller describing Williams flaws which include a lack of coordination and trouble sleeping as "adorable" and suggesting her grin would put toothpaste ads to shame.
I often wonder how a reporter can get a whole section out of talking for ten minutes to a 25-year-old about her acting technique, Yale education and her view that a series created by Judd Apatow might actually change the world.
"Anthropologically, I feel this could be left behind as a piece of evidence of this current culture in these apartments in New York,"Williams said.
Really?
I just thought it was brain goo spilling out of the cranium of an over-indulged little rich girl who likes to show off her tits.
...And that`s what you may have missed this weekend in The Globe and Mail.

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