Friday, 5 October 2012

The trouble with Barack Obomba




I don't spend much time thinking about American politics.
The campaigns are too long to pique my interest and the rhetoric is often too much to bare.
But the campaign has suddenly become interesting because the president tanked during the election debate.
You might call him Barack Obomba.
Now all of a sudden there's horse race between Barry and a guy who's named after a garment because, as Barbara Walters noted yesterday, suddenly Mitt has shown himself capable of being "presidential".
Holy shit, the left and George Clooney are screaming.
We might lose this election!!!
Okay, folks, cool the fuck down.
As we know in Canada one debate does not an election make.
Not counting, of course, the debate between Mulroney and Turner, but Turner was going to lose anyway.
Obama's a terrible debater because he never debates. He dictates.
That's what presidents do in the U.S.
They tell people what to do.
Trouble with Obama was that he didn't even try to pretend to be interested. He was too busy fuming that the debate was being held on his anniversary.
What a baby.
It's what you get when your campaign manager is Oprah Winfrey.
What debate? I thought I was going to Favorite Things!
Truth is Obama has never lived up to the hype. It would have been impossible.
When he was elected, people treated him like he'd been born on a straw flat surrounded by donkeys and old guys with bottles of stinky perfume. His shit, apparently, didn't stink.
Obama has always been a mile wide and an inch thick.
He only got elected because he was black, handsome, had a nice family and could spew platitudes.
Hmmm. Except for the black part, I could be describing Justin Trudeau.
Maybe I'm getting old, but I'm thinking it would be nice to elect people on their platforms and policies, not on the color of their skin or whether or not they had a vagina.
I hope this is last time we have to discuss presidents in terms of their pigmentation.
I blame Jack Bauer for all of this.
Here's my take as a liberal on Obama.
He's okay, but he pissed most of his own people off by pandering to the dark side when it suited him, not having an economic plan to help millions of Americans who have been displaced economically and by ruminating about his legacy.
On the presidential level, he has spent too much time playing basketball, weeding the vegetable gardens and making sure he has family time with the girls and Michelle. He's also defined his presidency by how many times he has been on The View.
If Obama gets the boot, he only has himself to blame. He's lazy and entitled.
In fact, Hilary Clinton has been doing most of the dirty work while Barack figures out where to take Michelle to dinner.
She should be the president, not him.
But I don't think the Democrats should be too worried.
Mitt Romney is an ass.
He doesn't need America to take him out.
Big Bird will probably eat him.

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