Monday, 10 September 2012

HRT: Controlling the flashdance




Perimenopause was a bitch for me.
Let's recap.
For ten years, I had to wear a diaper-sized pad to keep me from wetting my pants. I couldn't walk down the street without getting dizzy. I developed such crushing panic attacks I had to quit my job, after which I rarely left home. I became paranoid.
I gained twenty pounds and my boobs grew to the size of footballs.
Then I hit menopause and it all went away.
That's when I developed hot flashes, the ones that have plagued me for five years now.
And yet...not once did a doctor give me a cure for what ailed me.
That's because, during my "time", hormone replacement therapy became a nasty phrase. And that's because a big study came out which linked HRT with rising rates of breast cancer.
Today, I read about another longitudinal study which has dismissed the previous study. HRT is now apparently great for women at my age and stage.
As Adam Sandler once said: "You could have told me that yesterday!"
Truth is, I wouldn't take them. I'm happy to go through life au natural. I eat right and exercise and that seems to help all the flashing.
Besides, I don't believe any of these damned studies because they all contradict one another. A lot of them are paid for by Big Pharma so they can't be trusted anyway.
Pills are not lifestyle enablers. They are meant to control things.
Our bodies are not meant to be controlled.
Ergo, if you take the pill long enough, you will become sterile.
If you take a Viagra, sometimes you'll have hard-on for weeks.
If you take anti-depressants, you'll could find yourself jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge (read the side effects!)
The best thing you can do for yourself is watch the substances you put in and watch what comes out.
In the case of menopause, drink lots of water and wear cotton.
Keep the windows wide open. Buy your husband ear muffs. Invest in Depends.
And just plain laugh about it.
Have a glass of wine. Rent a lot of good movies.
You can't control "the change".
So stop trying.
And if you stop reading all these stupid studies and stop worrying, you'll live longer than all the researchers.

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