Saturday, 29 September 2012

Dr. Ben's magical blood pressure elixir

I was noodling around the Menopause Canada website, and decided to calculate my Body Mass Index. It was 32, which is still fat, but a lot less fat than the 36 where I started out.
By the way, I challenge the BMI because you calculate it based on your height and weight and it doesn't take into account that I have at least 10 pounds of boob weight, which I didn't ask for, unlike Anna Nicole Smith who is pictured above.
Oh well, at least I know I'm making progress thanks to two years of personal straining at the Athletic Club in Trainyards and those magical diuretics Dr. Ben prescribed me along with my blood pressure medication.
Speaking of blood pressure meds, I found out this week that I am not supposed to eat grapefruit while on them. And according to Doctor Oz, who is the expert on everything, I'm not supposed to take Ibuprofen either. What a shock. Grapefruit and Advil are among my favorite substances.
Along with tequila, which I've decided it's time to cut out.
The tequila is interacting with the diurectics making me really, really dehydrated.
It's a nasty feeling, so I don't think I'll have trouble giving up my one margarita at cocktail hour.
Might have a little more trouble once again giving up the red wine. I've got to find a substitute and green tea isn't doing it for me.
I heard today that a gigantic LBCO aka the Liquor Barn is being built right next to the gymnasty.
What kind of mixed message is that, Premier McGuinty?
I'm starting this weekend on a beet, apple and carrot juice cleanse which sounds disgusting and actually is. This apparently is good for my liver, which needs a vacation from my habits. Also apple cider vinegar mixed with milk thistle is good, too, and equally disgusting.
My goal is to be out of the 200s by Christmas, which means I've got to lose six pounds, give or take. I don't think it will be too hard, at least not as hard as losing the previous 16 pounds. That was brutal.
Too bad I didn't know about Dr. Ben's magical blood pressure elixir two years ago!
Truth be told, by next year, I want to be off blood pressure meds and weigh about 160 pounds. That's because I'm being scheduled to have my tits done and I don't want to have little hooters attached to an apple sized middle.
This is a scary time, but it's also really exciting.
I dream of tube tops and strapless sundresses.
I can't wait.
As one of my friends remarked, I'll be perky until I'm 92.

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