Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Dear Quebec: We love you, man

Dear Quebec:

Today is an important day in your history. According to the polls, you are poised to vote in the Parti Quebecois -- again.
Didn't you learn anything the last time?
The PQ are the modern day equivalent of the Catholic priesthood: self-serving, with beliefs based on irrational thinking. They will take your money and your children. They will keep you down on the farm.
Pequistes want to take away the basic rights of some of your citizens, make it difficult for them to get an education in the language of their choice. They will -- and already are -- driving many citizens out of La Belle Province.
Your housing prices will go down. Your insurance will go up.
Jobs will fly out of Montreal like the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.
But you know all that. You know you're better off in Canada.
Admit it.
We know it's hard being different. But vive la difference!
We understand sometimes you get restless. You want to play tummy sticks with the Europeans.
I have one word. Greece!
Sometimes we stop paying attention to you. Make you feel we don't care.
So you vote PQ, just to piss us off.
Unfortunately, you might have cried wolf once too often.
Canadians are getting tired of all this talk of separation.
We're thinking, go, go. Have a nice life, already.
As Bonnie Raitt once wrote: We can't make you love us if you won't.
It's not that we don't like you. We do. We like everything about Quebec -- the people, the culture, the scenery, the food. Because of you, this country is better, richer. Lesser hoser-like.
English Canada loves Quebec; we just don't like Quebec politics.
Heck, we don't even like our own politics.
We all want to get along, have a beer once in a while, slap each other's backs when our hockey team wins.
Go cross-country skiing, with a side order of hot tub.
We don't want to fight, dude.
Just want some quiet lovin'.
So don't do it, man.
We know Charest's a douche.
Maybe if you vote for him, he'll go away.
But Marois, Marois is an evil woman.
She'll make you want to do things you don't want to do.
There'll be a lot of back door action, if you know what I's sayin'.
She'll try to convince you that we're the stinky kid.
She'll try to make you hate us, when we only want to get along.
She comes from the negative pole.
Marois is a hater.
Don't be a hater.
Be our friend.
For Liberal -- we know you want to.
Thanks, TROC (the rest of Canada)

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