Friday, 27 July 2012

Kristen Stewart: Fifty Shades of Fucking Around



It's not going out on a limb to say that the biggest story in entertainment this week was that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson. This story trumped even the weirdness that is the Jackson family, and sent shockwaves through the Twilight community.

The Twitterverse was flooded with tweets from little twinkies calling for Kristen's head. How could she do this to Robert? They were so perfect together. They were supposed to live together forever, happily ever after.

Makes me wonder what would have happened,  back in the day, when Elizabeth Taylor stole Eddie Fisher away from the adorable Debbie Reynolds.

Liz, you slut! You stole Tammy's man.

I'm thinking Liz would have closed her account just like Kristen did. Ah, the vitriol.

In my corner of the blogisphere, I'm thinking the unveiling of her nasty little triste with the ugly and old director and father of two -- I forget his name -- was a great thing. For years now, little girls have been fed the ridiculous fairytale of Bella and Edward, about true love transcending all -- even werewolf infidelity -- and it's time they got the real scoop.

In the real world, people do terrible things to the people who love them. They lie, they cheat, they steal, and yes, they fuck around, especially people who start in blockbuster movies like the Twilight series. Hollywood has a terrible track record in terms of relationships and even seemingly perfect ones like Pats and Stew are merely illusions that sell more tickets.

Hollywood kids like Kristen Stewart grow up in the business, surrounded by temptation: drugs, booze, cocks large and small, young and old. They spend months isolated on boring movie sets, away from their significant others, waiting around for hours on end. There isn't a lot to do except eat boiled chicken and look for hookups.

It happens to the best of them. Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who hooked up on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith leaving Jennifer Aniston counting her birth control pills back in L.A.

Nobody really cared about that one much because Brad already had a track record of leaving his ladies in the dumpster and Angie, well, she married Billy Bob Thorton which must say something.

But it seems that the Kristen and Rob story is different. The fans are not accepting. They had bought into the fairytale and the fairytale was a lot of horseshit. In the movies, true love can transcend infidelity. In real life, it's not that simple.

Rob is not Edward and Kristen is not Bella. Rob believes in principles, not true love. Within 24 hours, Kristen was poo on his shoe. As it should be.

As for Kristen, well, Jacob's still out there somewhere. Maybe he can comfort her with his penis.








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