Monday, 21 May 2012

The Royal Tour: Baldy and the Rottweiler

I was thinking of suggesting to Charles that he gets hairplugs.
Everytime I see the hair to the throne I want to rush him with some of that spray-on hair to get rid of that ugly bald spot on the back of his head.
Word, Chuck: In no way is your chrome dome helped by the combover.
You often wonder about the Royal Family. In spite of having a cabbage patch load of servants, does anybody ever call them on stuff? Say the Queen has her skirt tucked into her granny hose. Does anyone say anything?
What's the protocol for "ma'am, you've got broccoli in your teeth" or "your Royal Hiney, you have a booger up your nose"?
Certainly nobody told Lilibet about the hats.
I'm thinking all this while reading Jane Taber blather on in the Globe and Mail about the Royal Hounds who are attending Canada over the next few days. I'm a grudge-monger, I'll admit it, and as a Canadian taxpayer, I do not want my government to spend a single dime on Camilla, not after the whole tampon thing. I mean, really? How can we forget that she was the Queen of Tarts, whoring around behind Diana's back with her uglified husband?
Back in the day, someone would have lost their head!
But now she gets to be all snooty, snorting fiddleheads and quaffing Canadian Duck with the masses and the press is there to cheer her on. I hope she puts her pampered pump in a pile of horse shit.
I'm for William and Kate -- they're a nice young couple, not too hard on the eyes, except for Will's bald patch (plugs, I'm telling you!) -- but the elderly Royals have got to go.
They need to be expunged. They are past their prime and just waiting to exile.
Baldie and the Rottweiler have no place in this country.
And Britain would be better off without them.

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