Sunday, 6 May 2012

People who eat Nutella are nuts

In a tale reminiscent of the McDonald’s hot coffee lawsuit, moms in the U.S. brought a class-action case against Nutella maker Ferrero, claiming it misled them by portraying the chocolate spread as “an example of a tasty yet balanced breakfast.”

Seriously, moms?

You thought that crap was good for you?

You're probably the kind of mom who buys food for your kids that says made with "real fruit juice" or "real cheese".

Read your labels, people!

Here are the ingredients in Nutella, according to Wikipedia: According to the product label, the main ingredients of Nutella are sugar and vegetable oils (mostly palm oil[5]), followed by hazelnut, cocoa solids, and skimmed milk. In the United States, Nutella contains soy products.[6] Nutella is marketed as "hazelnut cream" in many countries. Under Italian law, it cannot be labeled as a chocolate cream, as it does not meet minimum cocoa solids concentration criteria. About half of the calories in Nutella come from fat (11 g in a 37 g serving, or 99 kcal out of 200 kcal) and about 40% of the calories come from sugar (20 g, 80 kcal).[7]

Didn't know that, huh?

You'd probably like these irradiated potatoes, too. What? Didn't you ever question why potatoes stay in the potato bin for six months without getting all slimy and soggy?

Ditto for the bagels in the back of the fridge. Remember when bagels went all mouldy after a few days? Today's bagels are made with essence du uranium, meaning they'll be around to eat if the world explodes and all the plant life dies.

I know of what I speak. I used to be a food inspector for the Ontario government before governments got rid of food inspectors. See that fancy yellow film on those peaches? Don't eat them!

Everything has preservative in it. Nothing is good for you.

Nutella tastes wonderfully sweet and it's made of hazelnuts which are high in fat. Pretty soon you'll be wearing that Nutella on your arse. Nuts aren't sweet. And the food scientists put all kinds of crap with "ose" on the end of products like Nutella, meaning they're full of sugar.

Why the hell would anyone buy that stuff?

You might as well eat a Pop Tart, my friends.

Want a nutritious breakfast? Buy some oatmeal that you have to cook for four hours and then spend another two hours trying to scrape it off the bottom of the pan. Chase it with some Metimucil.

That stuff will fly through your intestines like a Via Rail train trying to get out of Toronto.

For lunch, have some hummus you make yourself. Eat some organic fruit.

Dinnertime? No worries. Get some wild Pacific salmon and eat some wild rice.

Then kill yourself.

Your welcome!

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