Thursday, 17 May 2012

Sex at the Museum

I, for one, can't wait to go down to my neighborhood museum to see what all the fuss is about.

In case you who haven't heard, the Museum of Science and Technology is playing host to an exhibit called, wait for it, Sex: A Tell All Exhibit.

Goodie, goodie, gumdrops!

There hasn't been this amount of indignation in Ottawa since Statistics Canada had to take down a sculpture of a woman's vulva which graced its entrance back in the 1970s. Oh yeah, there was also a meat dress -- I think Lady Gaga bought it -- which made Ottawans squirm a decade or so ago, as well.

I hate museums, generally. I find looking at artifacts and mummy cases boring. And don't get me started on the National Gallery, with its toney displays of spiders, ancient art and boobies. Meh.

But this new exhibit is different. It's an interactive display of how and why people exchange bodily fluids, and it's aimed at kids! One kiosk asks your twelve-year-old to identify and touch! the erogenous zones of the female and male bodies. Just to get them started, they've painted the nipples of the female purple neon.

Whoa, Nellie!

Just imagine the stories your pubescent son will come home from school with -- after the school trip. He might want to try out some of the techniques on the babysitter!

I'm thinking of getting a season's pass just to go there on boring afternoons and count the little hardons. Once exposed, the kids might decide on different after school activities to, you know, go with the sperm flow.

There are those, including our Heritage Minister James Moore, who are not excited that such an exhibit is on display. Moore seems to be echoing the concerns of diehard CFRA listeners -- the conscience of this great community -- who believe the exhibit will put nasty thoughts in the heads of teenagers.

Not in Ottawa, they screech at the radio. Not in our backyard.

Sex belongs in the bedroom or the backseat of a Buick, not in an educational setting!

This burg has always been inhabited by snobs with double standards.

Ottawa has been described recently as a Capital of Cheaters. More men and women in Ottawa engage in the horizontal mambo with people who are not their spouses than any other place in Canada. This according to a cheating website.

And Parliament Hill is a hotbed of depravity and lust. Remember the Deputy Streaker who had to cover his Honorable Member with a hand towel after getting caught by a hapless page having his sperm counted by his girlfriend? Remember the Trudeau cabinet minister setting his office on fire while blowing smoke up his girlfriend on his office couch? Or the Senator getting caught by CBC guys doing a full frontal out his office window?

I've seen cops having sex in a patrol car outside the Jewish Memorial Chapel behind my house. I know at least one Senator who had to go to John School because he was trolling prostitutes. We even had an archibishop caught at the airport with child porn.

Not to mention an esteemed former television anchor who vouched for his former "chauffeur" who was flashing children in a hotel pool! What kind of example are the adults setting in this community?

This place is a melting pot of depravity, always has been, always will be. And yet, Ottawans are prudes. John Edwards looks like a choirboy compared to half the Cabinet.

What are we protecting our kids from? Gay sex, three ways, blow jobs, fur fetish, golden showers? They can catch that every night on HBO.

We don't want them to have information. We want them to learn it all on the streets or on the Internet.

They download every kind of sicko stuff from the Internet. They can get backdoor action off of Facebook.

The prudes of modern day Eastwick need a reality check.

Maybe a test for STDs!

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