I am swiftly coming to the conclusion that all hair dressers are sadistic assholes.
Last Saturday, I bravely entered a hair salon for the first time in at least five years. That's because five years ago, I got a horrible hairstyle which made me want to commit suicide.
You see, I have Tina Fey hair without Tina Fey's money so my hair always has a sort of half curl. Not a nice curl, a half wave that makes it stick up when my hair is short and frizz when my hair is long.
I've been watching old reruns of 30 Rock recently, before Tina decided to embrace the frizz and noticed that she had great, beautiful straight hair. Five years into the series, her hair now looks like a gigantic puff ball.
Exactly like mine.
I asked the hairdresser not to give me a Tina Fey haircut. I asked her to give me an Ashley Judd haircut but she refused to cut it in a short bob and gave me "layers".
I let her because I decided to trust her. It's been five years. I'd thought sadistic hairstyles were no longer au courrant.
So she layered as you see in this picture and it sort of looked nice, like Tina Fey in the old reruns, nice and smooth with a perky flip.
I got home and went to the gym and the hair erupted into weird curls. I tried to straighten it and now it just looks bad. No, it looks terrible.
So I'm going to get it cut again.
I'm going to First Choice and ask for an Ashley Judd cut. The hairdressers at First Choice only make twenty bucks and they're willing to take shit from clients for a measly twenty bucks.
Not fifty, like I paid the sadistic asshole who gave me this cut.
At First Choice, they do exactly what the customer says. \
They know if they blow it, I just might reach for the scissors.