Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Pierre Poutine: I know his identity

I'm not to sure about the police work surrounding Pierre Poutine, the Guelph robocaller. The investigators have managed to track him through PayPal and a registration on Separatist Street in Joliette, Quebec.

Yet they still don't know who he is.

They could have just asked me.

I knew him by another name back in the 1970s. He spent years impersonating fire and police officials in Ottawa and giving fake quotes to all the Ottawa newspapers.

His signature line was: "I never saw nutting like dat before, me."

No, no. It wasn't Jean Chretien.

It was none other than the scourge of editors everywhere, Zotique Laframboise.

Zotique was a legend, a man of questionable vision and cruel intention.

But he was revered by police reporters who were getting their drink on and couldn't be bothered covering stories. His command of situations was unparalleled. He was acclaimed for his razor sharp observations of blazing infernos.

That was a big one, me.

When asked if the police had caught a perp, he would respond.

Dat for sure.

Eventually, editors became suspicious when Zotique was elevated to the rank of Chief of Police in Hull and the real one took exception.

The name Zotique Laframboise was banned forever from news reports.

Occasionally, his name was sneak into the paper. I once ran a Fresh Air Fund at the Ottawa Journal and my biggest contributor was Zotique.

But sadly, in recent years, he has gone missing.

Until now.

Obviously, he's moved to Guelph.

He has a cottage in Joliette.

He's even on my Facebook.

Problem solved.

You're welcome Elections Canada!

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